


Beyond Broken

by Cloudy_Serendipity



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate plot, Angst and Feels, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Bitchy Argument, Dark Times, Denial of Feelings, Depression, F/M, Fluff, Guilt, Identity Issues, Kindred Spirits, Kissing, Masturbation, Mental Health Issues, Mild Language, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Realisation of feelings, Sexual Content, Slow Burn, Smut, Survivors Guilt, mild homophobia, mild stalking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-14
Updated: 2019-08-17
Packaged: 2020-03-05 11:13:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 30,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18827533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cloudy_Serendipity/pseuds/Cloudy_Serendipity
Summary: Thor struggles with his failure after losing The Infinity War to Thanos.  He spirals into depression, leaving both The Avengers and his Asgardian kin behind.  He is unable to cope with the scale of his loss so he seeks solitude in a small seaside town in Connecticut, where no one recognised him.  There he meets a woman (Jess) who has also lost everything.  Their connection leads to happiness but something looms on the horizon and threatens everything Thor holds dear.  Just as night is to day, light follows darkness, but as the couple learns in an all-too-bitter twist of fate, darkness comes right back around again to finish the job.





	1. The Life of Jessica Walker

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first MCU fic, and I hope to do the characters justice. It's an angsty tale with feels but an ultimately very unhappy ending, so you have been warned.
> 
> There are spoilers for Endgame in here, in places and eventually the story will come to be an alternate plot for Endgame.  
> Once again, it's going to be dark, dark, dark, at the end but there are other universes than these and this is but one of the fourteen million possible endings spoken of by Dr Strange in Infinity War ;)
> 
> I'll edit the tags as I go along - I didn't want to put them all in there initially. This will end up closer to the mature/explicit rating but for now it's safe for most.
> 
> All that remains to be said is that Marvel/Disney et al. own all things Avengers and related characters, history and plots... I'm just playing with them and adding a bit of my own magic.

It had been ten months to the day when a once happy-go-lucky girl lost her whole world.  Jess Walker remembered that day as if it were only yesterday.  Each day since had felt the same; hollow, broken, desperate.  The emptiness was ravenous.  It engulfed and ravaged, sapping all but the bleakest of emotion from her.  Ten months without him.

Will Tanner had been the love of her life.  He’d been with her through the loss of her father and then, soon after, the loss of her mother.  They’d made a life together.  Had a nice house in New London.  Good jobs.  Pet iguana.  Holidays around the world.  And an engagement ring with an open-ended shelf-life; they’d been married in every way other than the piece of paper that confirmed their status.  Eight years of love and commitment lost in a finger snap.

She’d awoken that morning to the blaring ringer of the bedside telephone.  Groggily she’d answered to a hysterical David, Will’s younger brother.

“Jess.  It’s David.  I need Will.  Mom’s gone.”

Confused and still shrouded in the slovenliness of sleep, it took her a while to realise that David was saying that their mother had passed away.

“Oh my god!”  She gasped, tears instantly springing to her eyes.  Turning quickly on the bed to rouse Will she saw he was not there.  “Hold on, he must be in the bathroom.”  She said to David before calling for Will to come to the phone.

There was no response.

She shuffled out of bed quickly, taking the cordless phone with her out into the hall.  The bathroom door was open and the light was off.  None of the lights were on.  Had Will stepped out for a walk or to get some breakfast takeaway.  The clock said 9.15am.  _Shit!_   They were late for work.

“David, I’m so sorry, I don’t know what to say.”  Jess returned to their bedroom.  Will’s suit hung on the wardrobe door where he’d put it the night before, ready for work.  “He’s not here.  Let me try his cell and call you back.”

David sobbed as she hung up without waiting on a reply.

Jess had been frantic after ringing Will’s personal and work phones to find them both in his briefcase.  She’d scoured the counters and bedside units for a note he may have left.  It was then that she noticed the dust.  It was all over their bed, under the covers, swirling in the air as she moved the blankets.

What in God’s name was going on?  Maybe Will had somehow heard the news of his mother and left in a hurry, but both sets of car keys were still on their hooks.  Her panic increased.

It wasn’t until later, after an hour of stressing and crying, consoling David, speaking to friends and co-workers that she finally understood what had happened.  There’d been some kind of alien attack and half of the population had been disintegrated.  She didn’t know the ins and outs, she never kept up with the news because it was depressing but she turned the TV on now to see all channels reporting the horrors that had happened in the night.

Numb, and with the heavy lump of despair sitting in her chest, she stared but didn’t really see the TV as the news caster described the events.

They were saying the effect was world-wide, fifty percent of all life on earth, at random, all gone, turned to dust.  And her William had been one, his mother too.  Her friends and co-workers also, she’d not gotten responses from some, had they been vanished as well?  And Iggy?  She looked over to the large vivarium but that too was empty.

She sobbed again, even their pet was gone, she truly had nothing left of their life save material possessions and memories.  She was alone.

 

Ten months on she still felt the pain of loss but she knew Will would not have wanted her to spin out in a downward cycle of despair and depression.  In some ways the world had moved on, in others it was impossible to fully accept the catastrophic changes.  Jess continued to work as a Dentist, she was lucky that the practice had not folded like so many other businesses, although she was just going through the motions each day.  It was difficult to plug away day in day out when you knew life could be sucked away in the blink of an eye.

Ever since that first day, she’d been as supportive to David as possible.  He took it very hard, losing mother and brother in the same day.  It gave her peace to know that she could help them; David and William Sr. were the last ties she had to the life she’d thought she had secured.  She’d found a purpose in this new world of broken things.

 

Jess finished at the practice and gathered her things to meet David.  The sky was overburdened with ominous dark clouds and the air was thick with the tension of an oncoming storm.  She walked the three blocks to the little coffee shop on Neptune where she and David met five days a week.  He was waiting for her outside with a cup of her favourite tiramisu hot chocolate, a genuinely warm smile, a soft kiss on her cheek and a yappy Papillon called Daisy Duke.

“It’s nice to see the weather has changed.”  She raised a sarcastic eyebrow, accepting the warmth of the paper cup in both hands.  It had been weeks since she’d seen the sun.  She sipped and sighed.  “How are you?”

Today was Tuesday, the first day in her David support week.  Sundays and Mondays she had to herself, but Tuesdays were usually his worst.  They walked towards the park.

“Not good.”  He shook his head, hunching his shoulders against the chill carried off the ocean by a strengthening wind.  “Dad’s pretty demanding, I can’t deal with his disappointment.  It’s like, even now, he can’t accept that his other son died and to treasure the one he has left.  To him, the wrong son died.  It’s crippling me, Jess.  You don’t even see it!  He acts differently when you’re there.”

“It’s hard for you both, you’ve lost so much.”  She gave him a reassuring squeeze on the forearm.  “Is he still going to that support group for survivors of Disintegration Day?”

“Yeah, he is.”  David looked at the ground.

“Well that’s great!  That should help him loads.”  Jess beamed, her enthusiasm dropping away when she saw the look on his face.  “Why do I get the feeling that it’s not though?”

They crossed the street to Ocean Beach Park where David let Daisy off her leash.  The sky had darkened further with the downward progression of the obstructed sun and the thickening of the clouds.  He kicked pebbles as they walked the paths of the park.

“I dunno, Jess.”  David sighed, defeated.  “He’s great when he’s getting ready to go out.  Sunday afternoons are nice.  He’s chipper, you know?  Almost happy.  He goes to group in the early evening and it’s like he’s how he used to be when mom…”  He swallowed hard.  “But then he comes home, sees me and it’s like he’s disgusted.  Like maybe he knows.  But I’ve been so careful.  I dunno what to do anymore.”

She drew him into a hug and squeezed him tight.  His arms tightened around her back as he sniffed into the shoulder of her jacket.  Jess once thought, if she closed her eyes, it almost felt like holding Will again.  After all, they were the same height and build, slim and lean.  She knew then, just as she knew now, that she couldn’t ever go down that road, no matter how much she wanted to keep Will alive it could only be in her heart.

“It’s not you.”  She crooned.  “You’re only trying to be happy, David.  No one can blame you for seeking something bright in times as dark as these.”

“I know.”  He nodded, pulling away.

“You’ll feel better once you’ve blown off some steam _and_ that hot man of yours.”  She wiggled her eyebrows comically, grinning the goofiest smile she could muster.

Her reward was a genuinely abashed laugh that burst from him involuntarily.  It both soothed and pained her heart.  He reminded her so much of Will sometimes it nearly killed her.

“You’re terrible!”  The blush suited him.  He stuffed his hands into his pockets and settled into a slow walk at her side.  “So what’s new with you since I saw you on Saturday?”

“Oh nothing much, you know me.  Same shit, different day.”  It was easier for him if she didn’t burden him with her feelings.  She knew he struggled enough with his own issues, and for the time being she was coping.   The mantra _I can do this_ chanted over and over in her head each morning seemed to work enough to get her moving, and once she had momentum it was easier to follow it through the day.

 

At seven o’clock on the dot his phone rang.

“Got to go.”  He handed her the leash.  Daisy was still sniffing around the shrubberies and grasses nearby.  “I’ll meet you back at Neptune’s at ten?”

“Yep, the usual.”  She offered him a weak smile.

“Thanks so much for continuing to do this, Jess.  I dunno what I’d do without you.”  He grinned and dashed off in the direction of amazing sex and short-lived happiness.

 

It wasn’t that Jess resented being David’s wingman, so to speak, or that he was essentially living a lie.  She didn’t even mind that she’d put everything else in her life on hold to be his anchor, or that five days a week she was out in the cold being a dog-sitter.  It was that he’d made no effort to help himself.  No counselling, no psychiatrist, nothing but her; he’d latched onto her almost immediately and she’d gone with it.  She wasn’t exactly one to talk about self-help, mind you, she’d gone to therapy two, three, and four months after Disintegration Day.  She’d got to a point where she couldn’t see past the emotions she had, couldn’t see anything else for herself and she’d accepted that as her reality.  Accepted this as her life now.

Daisy came back with a stick, which she threw for the dog again and again.  She seemed to have boundless energy and be completely care free.  Jess wished she could feel the same but the sickness of loss had settled too deep, so deep in fact, that she thought she’d never feel any different.  But that was all on the inside, and she covered it over with a warm smile and a bright disposition.  Smile even when the inside is nothing but ash.

 

Walking the boardwalk with the wind buffeting her hair into a wild mess, Jess was alone.  It was well after nine, all of the people had left save for a few coming and going from a gym up at the top of the park.  She’d been strolling and playing with Daisy for hours, thankfully the dog loved her so it wasn’t a hardship.

Jess hummed a tune into the wind as she walked, it was the most peaceful she felt on any given day.  Just her, the ocean, the briny air, the sting of the wind on her cheeks and in her eyes.  The tears that welled up could have been attributed to the blustering wind but they weren’t.  When they fell hot on her cheeks and chilled instantly she swiped them away with her jacket sleeve.  She’d cried enough.  The next droplet to land wasn’t a tear.  The rain had begun.

Urging herself forward she picked up her pace, heading back to the café before the rain became a deluge.  Ahead there was a man sat on one of the benches.  The lamp above illuminated his large form, hunched over, elbows resting on his knees.  He wore a grey jersey hoodie with the hood up, grey jogging pants and a pair of running shoes.  The peak of a baseball cap poked from under his hood.

The rain had darkened his clothing over his head, shoulders and the tops of his thighs already, and he showed no sign of moving.  As she passed she felt a jolt of fear.  Muggings were rare in New London, but there were still those who sought a thrill in harming or terrorising defenceless women.  She wasn’t exactly defenceless.  She clasped the can of mace in her pocket tightly until she felt safe.  The man hadn’t even looked up at her as she’d passed and several glances behind her told her what she needed to know; through sheets of slanting rain he sat there alone, unmoving.

 

David was apologetic and late.  The barista in Neptune’s had patiently allowed her to remain in the shop even after ten o’clock closing on account of the rain.  He accepted his, now cold, latte with pleading eyes.  A large hickey low on his neck told her that he’d well and truly enjoyed the unplanned overtime on his secret tryst.

With Daisy stuffed inside his jacket they ran the three blocks back to the practice.  In the underground parking garage David babbled about how amazing Silas was, how in love they were, how he wished they could just run away together.

Jess nodded and _ahhh’d_ in all the right places, listening to the happiness bubbling out of him.  It was nice to see him smiling for more than a brief second.  Something must have really happened tonight to make him this excited, but she didn’t pry, he’d tell her eventually, he always did.

 

Home alone Jess flopped onto the cream leather couch still in her wet coat, where she fell into a troubled sleep.

 

The rest of the week things panned out in much the same way.  The storm that had blown in on Tuesday night was gone by Wednesday morning only to return again on Wednesday night, Thursday night and also Friday night.  By the time she got home on Friday Jess had taken the hint and packed a long waterproof ponceau and some knee-high boots into the trunk of her car, for next time.

 

David had been late every day that week, leaving her waiting in the rain when the Neptune’s staff had inevitably had to leave at well after eleven o’clock.  Jess had been less than impressed with him, it had felt disrespectful.  She soon felt guilty for being annoyed with him, and her frustration hadn’t lasted long.

Each night, on her walk along the boardwalk she had encountered the ‘lonely man’, as she internally named him.  It was as if he sat awaiting the rain, watching as the sky blackened and the air filled with cascading torrents.

On Friday the park emptied earlier than usual, the regularity of the rain driving people away back to their homes.  Jess had no such luck, having to wait on David and his booty call.

“Don’t be bitter.”  She muttered to herself.  “He’s happy.”

She’d paused midway along the wooden decked walkway, watching the last of the light die, shrouding the rolling clouds in night.

A noise behind her made her jump.  The lonely man sat on his usual seat, in his grey hoody and jogging pants.  Maybe her talking to herself had disturbed him, maybe her presence distracted him from his meditations, but he looked at Jess with one piercing blue eye. The other was in shadow under his hood.

Daisy was pulling on her leash to go sniff the man.  He didn’t seem phased at all, or indeed amused by all the huffing and puffing the little dog was doing, straining to get closer.  He was stoic, troubled even, obviously wanting solitude.  She could relate.

“Don’t mind us.”  Jess offered a quick smile and a nod before scooping the dog up in her arms and turning back to the waves crashing on the beach.

Half past nine came and there was no rain.  Thunder grumbled in the distance but the sky did not weep.  Jess could almost feel the electricity in the air.  When this storm came it was going to be massive.

 

AC/DC Back in Black played from her pocket, shocking her out of her daze enough that she nearly dropped the dog over the railing onto the sand.  Fumbling for her phone she swore bitterly.

“Hello, David is everything alright?”

“It’s ten, where are you?”  He sounded stressed.

“Still down by the beach, I lost track of time.”

“Seriously?”

“Oh I’m sorry, am I keeping you waiting this time?  Shoe’s on the other foot is it?  At least it’s not raining.”  She snapped.

“Ok I deserve that.  Where are you, I’ll come down?”

“I’m by marker twelve.  See you in a few.”  She stuffed the phone back into her pocket and repositioned the dog in the cradle of her arms.

 

David approached at a jog, breathless when he arrived, planting a hasty kiss on her cheek before accepting Daisy into his own embrace.

“I was worried.”  He said with gravity.

“You don’t get to lecture me on punctuality, David, you kept me waiting for hours in the rain three nights in a row.”  Jess let her annoyance flow into her tone.

“I said I was sorry!”  He pushed back.

“Yeah, let’s just go.”

Jess turned to leave.  The lonely man met her gaze with an amused half-smile, he acknowledged her with a slow blink and a nod.  She returned the gesture and looped her hand through David’s arm as they left.  Part way up the pathway lightning crackled its way across the sky and thunder boomed gun-shot loud overhead.  There was a pregnant pause, a long sighing sound of rain rushing over water and sand, before the curtain closed around them and they were soaked.

Jess glanced back at the lonely man.  He occupied her spot at the railing, his hood down now and face up turned to the sky.  There was beauty in the sadness displayed there, in the way he sought to connect with something bigger than himself, maybe the rain washed away that which he wished to be free of.

They hurried to the car and were silent on the drive to drop David at home.  Jess packed waterproofs in her trunk before turning in for the night.  Her bed just didn’t feel right, almost like it had those first weeks without Will.  She tossed and turned fitfully late into the night.  Sleep was just beyond reach.


	2. The Lonely Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jess and David go about their weekly routine, helping David get his rocks off and keeping his secret from his homophobic father.  
> Down by the beach, Jess meets her 'lonely man' (guess who) and there's a connection. Something about the sharing of silent sorrows and the finding of a kindred spirit that can help heal the soul. She fails to see it for what it is, or maybe it just needs time to grow,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's mild homophobia from a secondary character, and implied repercussions by that same character. Really he's just old and set in his ways.

On Saturday Jess ran the emergency dental clinic until two o’clock when Sadie came in to replace her.  She made it to David’s a little after three, taking a detour along the costal road by Ocean Beach Park.  The previous night had really stuck in her head, like the spark of connection with another equally tortured soul.  It was absurd and she knew it, but she found herself driving passes around the block anyway, searching.  It was a futile venture.

 

William Sr. was full of smiles when he answered the door.

“There she is!”  He beamed brightly.  “My favourite girl.”  His hug was firm and sincere.

“Ahh, Bill,” Jess chuckled, “not so loud or Daisy will get jealous.”

He winked at her with a cheeky grin and waved a hand at her as if to say ‘nonsense’.

“How’re you keeping?  I hear you’re still looking after my David.  He really loves your company, you know.  You keep him sane, and me, if truth be told.  He’d be in the house every night moping around getting under my feet if he didn’t meet you almost every evening.  And you know I appreciate you helping out with the dog an all.”  Bill didn’t wait for a reply but pottered eagerly into the kitchen.  “Coffee, tea?”

“Coffee, please.”  She’d need it after the horrific night sleep she got the night before.  “I’m doing ok, thanks for asking.  David an I really keep each other sane.  He keeps me occupied so I don’t think about things too much.”

Bill’s eyes darkened as if a shadow had passes over his face momentarily.  Jess knew it was still hard for him.  It was hard for them all.

“He tells me you’re still enjoying your Sunday night meet.”

Bill only smiled by way of a reply.

“Sugar?  Or are you still sweet enough?”

“Sweet enough.”  She winked.

Daisy came running in at that moment and jumped up at her legs, laddering her tights and smearing mud up her shins.  Luckily the knee-length pencil skirt she wore was spared the muddy make-over.

“Oh you stupid dog, leave the girl alone!”  Bill bent, strained to pick her up.  “Davey boy, come get this dog back in the utility room, she’s getting mud all over the place.”

“No harm done.  I can live without the tights.”

“Hi!” David enthused, breathless, wearing a toothy gurn and wide eyes in place of a smile.  He grabbed Daisy and took her back to get her cleaned.  “We’ve just been down to the old stream.”  He called from the other room.  “All the rain has turned it into a river and a lot of the land has flooded.”

“Surprised they haven’t concreted that over to make a car park yet.”  Bill scoffed, handing her a steaming cup.

“Thanks.”  She sipped and sat with William Sr. as he resumed his afternoon TV session.

 

Watching the news was unbearable.  People were still talking about Disintegration Day.  This new _D-Day_ had surpassed the world war II D-Day by quite a significant factor.  Each city in America, and around the world probably, was erecting monuments, naming all those lost in what they were now calling _The Infinity War._   She didn’t pretend to know what that meant but it didn’t change the harsh reality of the outcome.  We had lost but not without trying, apparently.  The scale of this attack was far greater than that on New York and The Avengers had been powerless to stop it.

Jess knew very little about who and what The Avengers were, besides work talk and her talks with David.  There had been public out-cry, people slating the group for their failure, calling for them to be brought to justice for bringing this war here to earth.  What had become clear in the following weeks was that this _Infinity War_ had been universal.  Half of all life in the _whole universe_ had been wiped out. How can a small group of people such as they fight a war that large on so many fronts?  It was impossible.

_Just leave them alone._   Jess thought each time she heard the criticism.  _They’re people too.  They’ve lost loved ones just the same as us._

“You ready to go?”  David smiled down at her.  How long had he been there?

“Yeah, sorry.”  She shook herself free of the stupor that had gripped her, taking a long swig of her cooled coffee.  “You sure you’re not up for a late lunch, Bill?”

David shot her a daggered look.

“Nuh-uh.”  He grunted without taking his eyes off the TV.  “I’m not one for these trendy wine bars and fancy restaurants.  You go enjoy yourselves.”

She chuckled, if only he knew how few trendy wine bars and fancy restaurants there were left.

 

“Why did you insist on inviting him?”  David pouted from the passenger seat.  His feminine side was really showing through more and more lately.  Silas was the likely catalyst for this development.

“He’s got feelings.  And inviting him at least shows we care.  Besides, he never accepts.”

She pulled away down the cluttered street.

All but the big towns and cities were becoming more and more run down as time went on.  There were fewer sanitation workers now, hell, there were fewer of every kind of worker, but the same number of streets.  The Stark Foundation’s Disaster Relief Initiative had been put into place two  months ago, where the homeless and unemployed were all suddenly employed and homed thanks to vacancies and empty homes created by D-Day.  It was taking a while, but humanity was gradually getting itself back on its feet.  Things would never be the same but that didn’t mean it had to be all bad.

 

Jess’s dinner plans with David were mostly a ruse, just as the dog walking was, and virtually everything else in David’s life.  They grabbed something quick in an uptown bar before David shot off to meet his lover.

 

“I don’t know why you don’t tell Bill that you’re gay.”  She’d said to him once, a few months back.

“Because he’ll disown me and it’ll probably kill him.”  He’d replied, swiping through grinder on his phone.

“Has he said as much?”

“Yeah.”  David had stopped scrolling and turned his phone to her to reveal a sultry looking man with dark chest hair and a shaved head.  “What do you think?”

“Too cliché.”  She’d sipped her cocktail and rolled her eyes.  “What were his exact words?”

“To quote…”  David had dropped his phone into his pocket and stared at her with an irritated glare.  “ _’When are you going to get a girlfriend, huh?  Double-you-Jay started dating Jess before he was your age.  I swear, boy, you better not turn out to be one of them fairies or I’ll skin you alive and disown you._ ’  He also added ‘ _you’ll send me and your mother to an early grave, damned boy.’_ ”

Jess had accepted that, yes, maybe William Sr. was a bit of a homophobe.  It had been a long time since she’d heard the old man refer to his eldest son as double-you-jay (W.J. for William Junior).  Bill got over that phase when she and Will got engaged.  Maybe he didn’t think of him as a man until he was on his way towards marriage.

 

So that put Jess squarely in the realms of helping David lie to his father and covering up for him while he went and got laid.  It did make her wonder what kind of relationship it was, and would it last if the people in it could only see each other a few hours a day in clandestine meetings of sordid debauchery?  And they were debauched, David had told her as much.

_Whatever works for them.  He’s happy.  Let it go._

 

At 7pm she found herself back on the boardwalk at Ocean Beach Park instead of back at the practice catching up on paperwork.  Heels and a skirt that limited your leg movements were not things one should wear for negotiating uneven terrain; she stumbled a few times on her way down to the waterfront.  The clouds weren’t all that dense yet, some of them looked more white than grey, which was a change.

She leaned against the railing by marker twelve, it really was a beautiful spot. The regal trees and grassy expanse of the park at her back, dissected by well worn footpaths and clusters of flowering shrubs, clean pale sands stretching along in front of the silvery-wood deck of the boardwalk, and beyond, the deep Prussian blue expanse of the Atlantic mantled by tempestuous skies, all perfectly framed by minimum human clutter.

“No dog today?”  A deep voice scared her into an undignified squeak.

Clutching her chest, gasping, she whipped around to face the man. 

“I apologise, if I scared you.”  The lonely man held his hands up in mock surrender.

“No, it’s ok.  Well, I mean, you did, but it’s ok.”  She panted a little, leaning forward to catch her breath again.

There was more light than when she’d previously seen him.  His hood was down revealing dark-blonde hair that was short at the sides and longer on top, a neatly trimmed beard and the most perfect teeth she’d seen in quite a while.  His smile faded quickly as he searched her face with concern, one crystal clear, almost iridescent, blue eye and one hazel eye scanning her reaction.

Heterochromia.  That was rare.

“Once again, I apologise.”  He lowered his gaze and began to turn away.  “I shall leave you be.”

“No!”  She lurched forward with her hand outstretched to stop him.  “This is kind of your spot anyway, I’m just squatting here.”  She rolled her hand in a beckoning motion.  “Please.  Stay.”

“Very kind of you.”

His accent was strange, English maybe but she wasn’t quite sure.  He leaned on the railing at just over arm’s length from her, respecting the unspoken boundaries that strangers should about personal space.

They stood a while, looking out across the water.  It was comfortable, she didn’t feel awkward until she suddenly remembered his question.

“No dog.”  She said, nodding embarrassingly, giggling a little at how stupid she sounded.

The lonely man dipped his head forward, a smile playing on his lips.

“She’s an energetic one.  I trust your gentleman friend is doing his duty this evening otherwise you will have a rampant puppy to contend with tonight.”  He rumbled a short chortle at his internal imagery.

“He has.”   David was family, not a ‘gentleman friend’.

She continued to look out across the water, feeling the chill of the metal railings bite into her forearms through her white chiffon blouse.  It had been a mild day up until now, but with the light fading and the wind beginning to pick up she wished she’d brought her jacket from the car.  Her sweater vest only did so much and, honestly, she hadn’t intended to stay so long.

“It doesn’t look as though it’ll storm so hard tonight, the air feels a bit lighter.”  She glanced to her right to see him nodding.  “Will you miss the rain?”

He looked at her then, with a pained look, mouth and brows set into a solemn expression.

“There are other things than rain to cleanse the spirit.”  His tone was almost sagely.  He offered her a thin-lipped smile.

“I suppose you’re right.”  Jess had almost forgotten the cold by then.  Her mind was quiet.

 

They stood in the failing light until ten o’clock rolled around.  The lonely man was the first to break their mutual silence.

“I suppose I should let you go.”  He rumbled quietly.  “Shouldn’t keep you here any longer with my captivating presence.”  He flashed her a brilliant smile and she couldn’t tell if he was being sarcastic or not.

“I’m not exactly handcuffed to the railings here.”  She laughed.  A light feeling she thought she’d lost bubbled up delicately in her chest.  For the first time in ten months she felt like she might be able to find herself again, if only she could let herself feel something other than agonising loss.  “But I should go.  I’m the designated driver.”  She raised her eyebrows and sighed.

“I hope your gentleman friend doesn’t keep you waiting again this evening.”  The lonely man called after her.

“Me too.  It was nice to meet you.”  She waved from the start of the trail that would take her to her car.

“Likewise.”


	3. Hurricane Thor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor is grumpy and just wants to be left alone, so when Natasha Romanoff shows up at his apartment, Thor is naturally unimpressed.  
> After a little self-reflection, he comes to realise there may be a connection between the girl from the park and the lessening of his broodiness.  
> Thor goes out of his way to 'accidentally' bump into her again, and maybe the first seeds of his stalker behaviour are sewn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Thor so much, he's such a rich character. The way he talks, his dead-pan humour, even the way he doesn't realise he's funny as hell. All the line's he speaks in this fic, I hear them in my head in the voice of Hemsworth, with the facial expressions too. I hope I can bring him to life.
> 
> The closer we are to danger, the further we are from harm. - is a quote from LOTR-Two Towers (Peregrine Took).
> 
> Re. Playstation - I know the max PSN ID is 16 characters and ThorsMightyHammer is more but I give zero fucks on this one... I do what I want! (spoken in Cartman's voice).
> 
> Also... Mild Endgame Spoilers contained within.

“What are you doing here?”  Thor grumbled from the sofa.  He’d heard the assassin pick the lock and enter but until she was in striking distance he chose to ignore her in favour of online gaming.

“Heard about a perpetual storm wreaking havoc along the coast in New London.  It’s got meteorologists baffled.  We figured it was you.”  She stepped into view, wearing casual attire; jeans and a fitted pea-coat.  At least she wasn’t there to kill him.  “Who moves to Connecticut anyway?”

“I’ll have you know I like it here.  It’s very, ahhh, wholesome.”  He was thumbing the PS4 controller like crazy.

Her reply was an eye roll.

He cursed heavily at the TV.  Death by a pre-pubescent internet demon-troll wasn’t good for his mood.  He hated losing.

“Why are you here, Romanoff?”  He threw game controller down against the cushions and stood to his full height.  “Surely you could have simply called.”

“Would have, but someone smashed his phone the last time we visited.”  She held out a new communicator with a sassy flick of her wrist.  “Talk to Steve, we need you back.”

“I don’t want to _be_ back.”  He grumbled, growing more ill-tempered.  “We lost.  Thanos won.  What else is there to say?”

“Tony is out of rehabilitation.”  She begged with her eyes.  “At least come and see him now that he’s back in the lab and back to his philandering ways.”

“Oh that _is_ good to hear.  I always liked it when Banner would throw out his secret stash of candy.”  Thor smiled weakly, pulling a beer from the fridge.  “Want one?”

“Only if I’m celebrating a victory here.”  She smirked.  “Does that mean you’ll come?”

Thor grinned.  He had missed the camaraderie between them all but they were also a constant reminder of his own failure.  He’d had a chance to put a stop to Thanos and had failed spectacularly.  Half of all life had been wiped out and there was nothing he could do.  Even their second chance had come too late; locating his sanctuary, finding the planet defenceless, facing the mad titan himself only to find the stones gone.

 _“I used the stones to destroy the stones.”_   That purple monstrosity had said. 

Thanos was so sure of his inevitability that he didn’t even put up a fight when Thor hacked off his head with Stormbreaker.  There was no satisfaction in the act, only a solitary step out over the precipice to oblivion.

Thor’s grin was gone.

“No.”  He rumbled so deeply it was almost a growl.

Thor chugged the bottle, feeling himself get sucked down under a tide of self-loathing.  No amount of weak Midgardian ale could numb his pain.

“At least take the phone.”  She softened her gaze.  “We’re here if _you_ need _us_.”

“Very well.”  He huffed.

She was gone without another word.  Closing the door behind her as she left.  Thor knew she’d be back at some point, and if not her then maybe Stark.  Once they found him they never stopped coming. 

Thor had grown to like this town.  He’d been here two months.  He liked the sea and the solitude.  Not many people in this town recognised him.  He was free from attention, blame, and harassment.  It was the closest to peaceful he could get.

Right back after _the snap_ , he’d found a place with his people in a little fishing village in the remote north of a country called Scotland.  The whole village had been wiped out on D-Day. He took the village and renamed it _New Asgard._ But even there, amongst his people, he found no peace, only guilt.  They’d quickly found him there, The Avengers, asking him to return to the fight, so he had left New Asgard and went anywhere he thought no one would know him.

 _The closer you are to danger, the further you are from harm_.  He’d read that somewhere, wasn’t sure where exactly, but he’d decided that New London was just close enough to up state New York to put him under The Avenger’s Radar.  These two months had been the longest he’d gone without them finding him.  He cursed his storm inducing mood swings.  Maybe he should have moved into Stark’s basement and brooded there instead.

 

Last night had been the first night in weeks that it hadn’t rained.  He had been all set to let his mood bring more thunder but something had changed.

 _The girl._   He thought.

She’d been a delicate looking thing, sleek and slender, with radiant skin and dark hair.

 _Fragile._   That’s how he’d seen her the first few nights she’d passed him at his brooding spot.  But there was a strength in her.  She fought a great sorrow.  He could tell, even without his bionic eye.

Thoughts of her drew his mind to the man she was with.  The one who left her alone and out in the cold waiting for him.  There was something unsavoury about that man.  Thor didn’t much care for him but a woman’s choice in partner was none of his business.  It must be his ring she wore on her finger.

Flopping down on the sofa again he turned his attention back to his Playstation.

“Right then, Noobmaster69, it’s time to meet your doom at the hands of ThorsMightyHammer!”  It was a battle cry suitable only for a middle-aged nerd’s soundproofed basement, but he gave it with gusto regardless.  Controller in hand, he set about the thrashing of one anonymous online gamer.

 

 

The gym at Ocean Beach Park was open all night.  He’d been in there a few times when it was quiet.  Early in the morning or late at night was better.  He had basic weights there in the apartment but no treadmill, cross trainer or anything he could use to really punish himself.

No matter how much he distracted himself from it, the thought of the girl and her yapping dog wouldn’t leave his mind.  There was something about her that he was drawn to, some innate quality she was possessed of that he sensed, and liked. 

He told himself that he was going to the gym but instead he pounded the pathways of the park itself in a rhythmic and sweaty search for any sign of her.

 

She hadn’t been at the twelfth marker, nor anywhere along the promenade.  He checked, running its whole length, twice.  There were dog walkers still exercising their companions but none were her, and none of the dogs even looked similar to her little white and tan pup with the huge fluffy ears.  He didn’t see her gentleman friend either.

 _Perhaps she had been scared off._   Perhaps.

 

By the time midnight came around, he was dripping with sweat and extremely hungry.  A jumbo pizza and some buffalo wings were just what he craved.  Eating hastily on the walk home, he noticed the little café across from the park.  The logo on the shutter triggered a memory of slender fingers grasping a paper cup with the same design.  Smiling through a mouthful of pizza he carried on his journey home feeling peppy.  He felt energised, contently full of greasy food and had another point of reference for his mystery woman.

 _There’s always tomorrow._   He thought.


	4. Inner Turbulence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor quickly becomes enamoured with his mystery woman. A cheeky little shower wank and some low-key stalking ensues.
> 
> He's in way over his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Upgraded the rating already because apparently I can't keep my mind out of the gutter. It's nothing too graphic but I'm playing it safe.
> 
> Apologies for the short chapter.

It was unlike him to become so obsessive over something or someone so random, but he could not put this down.  It occupied his waking thoughts and even his dreams.

Monday morning came crashing through the window of his bedroom in the form of brilliant sunshine, making everything too bright, and his dreams evaporate like morning mist in the noonday heat.

Clinging to the intense feeling of sensuality and exuberance that lightened his heart, he allowed himself time for a lengthy shower and some much-needed ‘personal care’. With one hand braced against the glass cubicle and the other loosely fisted around his cock, he brought himself off with tantalisingly slow strokes, savouring the slow build of delicious pressure and his intensely satisfying release.

In the months since Jane had left him, he’d imagined her in his arms, his bed, and on his cock many times.  But today he thought only of the woman in the park; her rich shoulder-length chocolate brown hair, steely-blue eyes, and plump dusky-pink lips.  The curve of her hips in that skirt she wore on Saturday, pinched in at the waist and knees, tightly hugging her body, accentuating her absolute femininity.  He hadn’t even gotten started on thinking about her other assets.  His mental imagery of the her had pushed him to the edge faster than thoughts of Jane ever had.

He should feel shame.  She had a fiancé.  He’d seen the shimmering jewel on her finger and knew what that meant in earth customs.  But for once, shame was not amongst his more prominent emotions.

 

Showered and somewhat relieved, Thor went about his daily routine.  He actually went to the gym this time; it was busier than he’d hoped.  No one recognised him however and he was able to continue his workout in peace.  He had to admit it felt good to exert himself physically, it got the blood pumping and the endorphins flowing.

After his workout he showered and dressed in jeans, a t-shirt and a chunky-knit long-line blazer that Romanoff always used to describe as an ‘old man cardigan’.  It was a far more presentable countenance than the grey track suits he’d been wearing daily.  Most of those had food stains down the fronts anyway.  He really needed to do some laundry.

 

His mystery woman was a no show again.  He began to fear that he’d over-stepped the mark in his conversation with her.  He was beside himself fretting.  What was it about this woman that had gotten so far under his skin?  Perhaps it was because he felt a connection or that there was something about her.  Maybe it was because he felt that her significant other wasn’t quite right.

In a last ditched attempt of desperation, he headed to Neptune’s coffee shop, bought himself a black coffee and decided to question the server.

“Have you by any chance, seen a woman this evening?  She’s about so tall,” he gestured to his throat, “brown hair past her shoulders and usually walks a small white and brown dog?  She was meant to meet me but hasn’t.  I hope I haven’t missed her.”

Lying wasn’t something he like to do, and rarely succeeded at pulling off but it was easier with strangers.

The twinkle of recognition in the girl’s eyes gave him hope

“Not today.  We don’t usually see her on Mondays.  She come’s in pretty regularly most other days though.  Have you tried calling her cell, if you’re worried?”

“Sadly, I’m a luddite.”  He nodded as if convincing himself of his own falsehoods.  “I don’t keep such devices.  I’m very old-fashioned.”  He gave the girl a winning smile and gestured at his clothing, hoping it would prove his point.   _Old man cardigan_.  “Perhaps I have mistaken the day?”

He hadn’t fully lied; until yesterday he didn’t own a communicator.

“Yeah, you might be getting mixed up with tomorrow.  It’s Tuesday tomorrow.”  The girl capped his americano and handed it over, eyebrows raised as if to say _oh-kayyyy then_.

“Thank you.  You’ve been most kind.”

“Should I tell her you were asking after her?”

“This is rather embarrassing for me, I didn’t want her to know I am so, umm…”

“Eager?”  The girl fielded.

 _Smitten.  Desperate to know her.  Creepy._  His brain finished.

Thor looked away, abashed, and the girl smiled sympathetically.

“I get it.  Your secret’s safe with me.”

Thor pledged his eternal gratitude and padded back to the promenade.  At marker twelve he sipped the hot bitterness of the coffee and contemplated life.  His life.  He didn’t really know what he wanted now.  Asgard was gone, the Bifrost destroyed, his father, mother and brother were all dead, along with half of all life in the universe.  He had walked away from his people to escape the guilt of his failure.  He was no King of Asgard and not fit to rule in Odin’s place.  Loki, for all his faults, would have made a better King of Asgard than Odin’s only biological son.  Even his sister Hela would not have failed to vanquish Thanos.

Feeling deplorable, he flexed the power he still commanded, bidding the night sky reflect the turmoil within.  Lightning flashed across the sky and struck down in the distance, the ocean absorbing the terrible power he had unleashed.  He was still the God of Thunder but he could choose what to make of himself now.  Whether to hide himself away, renounce everything that he once was and become nothing, whether to build a new life and move on, accepting this new world as it was, or whether to follow Romanoff and return to fight with The Avengers.  Whatever he decided, one thing was certain… he was no hero.


	5. Situational Evolution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jess's interactions with her lonely man move forward and her friendship with David begins to evolve. She is beginning to move on from her loss on D-Day but can't see it for what it is just yet.
> 
> Her lonely man is awkward funny and she's still oblivious to how taken with her he is, subconsciously she knows something is there but she's not ready to accept it yet.

Jess spent her Sunday painting the bathroom.  On a whim she bought a few cans of paint in a rich, deep teal colour.  She and Will had been planning on redecorating last year but they could never agree on a colour.  And so, by default, it stayed the same.

The large oval tub was white with copper coloured fittings.  The tiles were white mosaic style with a scattering of copper accents.  It had worked well with the beige, but the beige bored her.  It looked better with the teal, but the paint was still patchy.  She’d do another coat on Monday after work.

There was a buoyant sense of accomplishment that accompanied her throughout the rest of her evening.  She felt a little guilty, having just gone ahead and changed something in the house.  Their house.  It didn’t feel anything like what she expected _moving on_ to feel like but she supposed the process had to start somewhere.  It was just a house, after all, only a bathroom.  All the things that made her life with Will great were locked up inside her, in memories and feelings.  A few licks of paint would never change that.

 

Monday breezed by without so much as a by-your-leave.  After a full day at the practice she delved into the rest of her redecorating.  She skipped dinner in favour of a few of her signature mojitos made with navy rum and brown sugar, and with a substantial buzz she’d fallen asleep on the sofa once again.

Sleep claimed her quickly but she didn’t rest easy.  Her dreams were mercurial.

 

Jess awoke to her alarm on Tuesday morning with a crick in her neck and a headache.  She reached for the hand she’d been holding to find herself alone and her dream companion fading to nothing more than the idea of a man, and a feeling of intimacy.  Had she been dreaming about Will?

 

“You seem different today.”  Sadie said as they went through the appointments for the day.

“It’s just a bit of a hangover.  Jessica had too many rums last night.”  She chastised herself.

“Did she now?”  Sadie jested.  “Good party, was it?”

“No party.”  Jess scribbled notes in her diary.  “I painted the bathroom.”

“Good for you.  We have to celebrate the little things these days.”  She squeezed Jess’s shoulder.  “You look great, by the way.  You’ve got colour in your cheeks.”

Sadie was the eldest of the dentists based at the practice, and she was one of Jess’s closest friends.  At fifty four, she was twenty two years older than Jess but she was still young at heart.

 

“Hey, do you want to grab a few drinks this evening?”  Sadie asked later as they were setting their tools in the UV steriliser.

“I’m meeting David tonight.”

“You mean you’re walking his dog while he spends time with that boyfriend of his, who you’ve never met.”

Jess had told Sadie some of her arrangement with David and she hadn’t approved.  The consensus was that Jess needed time for herself and not to be the enabler for the self-destructive behaviours her not-quite-brother-in-law displayed.  He needed real help and Jess was too soft to force him to face his issues.

It wasn’t that simple.  Jess also needed him.  His high demand on her time kept her busy and mentally occupied.  It distracted her from her own pain.  She knew that was also not healthy.

“I can do after ten?”  Jess offered with a shrug.

“Another time, maybe.”  Sadie gave her sad smile.  “Don’t make me abduct you one night.”  She hugged her briefly and left Jess to lock up.

 

David was waiting impatiently at Neptune’s.  He handed her the customary offering of tiramisu hot chocolate, the dog leash and a peck on the cheek.  He asked how she was but it felt strained.

“What’s going on?  You seem stressed.”

“I really miss Silas.”  He sighed, shaking the tension out of his shoulders.  “I must have it bad if I can’t go two days without seeing him.”

She didn’t blame him.  Missing someone that bad was like a gut punch that kept on giving.

“It’s still new.”  She smiled reassuringly.  “It’s only been a couple of months, hasn’t it?”

Wow, a couple of months?  Is that how long she’d been helping him lie to Bill?

“Almost three.”  He nodded, glancing in the direction he needed to go to meet his beau.

“Why don’t you bring him one evening.  I’d love to meet him.”

“Yeah I’ll ask him.  Listen, Jess, I’m gonna go.  I’ll meet you back here at ten.  Promise I won’t be late.”  There was barely time for a reply before he was marching off.  He hadn’t even walked her across the street to the park this time.

“Have fun!”  She called after him.

 

Jess wasn’t fooled by the apparent amiability of the weather; she carried her waterproof poncho in a small tote bag and had swapped her heeled pumps for a pair of boots.

She meandered the paths of the park as was her routine.  Without David there talking she had more time to think, which wasn’t necessarily a good thing.  Daisy did her business and Jess dutifully picked up.  The dog was bouncing in and out of the bushes, excitedly chuffing as she snuffled around.  Jess couldn’t help but smile at her.

Down on the boardwalk she wondered if the lonely man would be there, and he was.  Sat in his usual spot on a bench by marker twelve.

She gave him a nod of acknowledgement and received one in return before taking up her place at the railings.   Both the sea and the sky were calmer than they had previously been.  Jess thought the clouds were thinning even further despite the cooling transition from evening into night.

The ocean always made her feel small and helpless.  To think of something so massive, uncontrollably powerful, and somehow alien, gave her shivers. It was natural to fear things we didn’t understand.  She imagined what it would be like to stand here while a ginormous wave grew out of the ocean, bearing down on the land and washing everything away, even her.  A wave like one in a disaster movie, hundreds of feet high.  She’d had dreams like that in the past when she was feeling overwhelmed and unsure of choices in her life.  She’d never envisioned one in her fully conscious mind though.  It gave her goosebumps.

 

A shiver passed over her, and she came back to herself to find that she was not alone.  Swiping at the moisture under her eyes, she flicked a quick glance to see the lonely man.  He’d noticed her tears, a concerned look on his face.

“It’s calmer today.”  She said, glancing at her watch.  She’d been stood in silence for more than an hour.  “I still don’t trust it though.”

The lonely man nodded as if considering.  “Yes, those pesky storms are far from reliable.”

“Maybe the Lord of Thunder is angry.”

“ _God_ , of Thunder.”  He interjected flatly.  “He would be the _God_ of Thunder.  Lord of Thunder just wouldn’t do him justice.  Rather insulting if you ask me.”

She laughed at his dorkiness.

“Oh, my bad.”  She held her hands up in mock surrender, jostling the bell on the dog’s leash.  “ _God_ of Thunder, please don’t strike me down.”  She spoke up to the sky with a light laugh tickling the cadence of her voice.

“He would never…”

She was almost lost in her own amusement as the lonely man looked ruefully out to sea.

 

“Not angry, sorrowful.”  He said after a while fixing her with a knowing look.  “I mean, I imagine he’s more sorrowful than angry.  Just a speculation.  Obviously I don’t know him.  How would I?”

Jess couldn’t help but laugh at his goofy ramblings.

“He’s an Avenger and not at all like anyone I’d ever _hang_ with.”  He scoffed.

“I wouldn’t know.”  She turned back to the dark horizon.  They were deep in twilight now, the clouds a lighter dark against the coming night.

“You do not know The Avengers?”  he seemed surprised.

“Nope.  I know _of_ them, sure.  But I don’t know much about them.  Wouldn’t recognise one.  Couldn’t name one.  Save for the _God_ of Thunder who I now know is an Avenger, thanks to you.”  She shrugged.

He flashed her a smile that lit up his entire face.  Something dropped in her chest right down to her stomach, making her feel jittery.  Holy hell he was handsome.  And yes, there it was, the hot blush she got when she was embarrassed.  Just great.

“You have a little something on your neck.”  He waved his finger at her.

Distracted, she fumbled to feel her skin.

“A little higher.”  He rumbled.  “No, to the left.  No, _my_ left.”  He watched awkwardly as she failed to find it.  “Please, allow me.”

When he stepped forward she almost jumped back, stumbling over the dog, who yelped.  Gasping, she gripped the railing to steady herself. 

The lonely man looked torn, stuck between a choice of back off or catch her.  He backed off.

Shocked by the sudden potential contact, she frowned.  She didn’t know the man.  Strangers didn’t just touch other strangers.  And strange men shouldn’t just go touching women who don’t want to be touched.  She supposed he was only trying to be helpful.

“My apologies.”  He said stiffly, his large hands held out as if to steady himself on unsteady ground.  “It’s just a dark smudge of something, dirt perhaps.”

“It’s not dirt.”  She rebuked, her pride kicking in.  She always took personal hygiene very seriously.

Sensing her offence, he backtracked.  “Not dirt, no.  Impossible.  Definitely not dirt.”

“Poor Daisy Duke.”  She crooned, scooping up the dog.  “It’ll be paint.”

“Oh!  You’re a painter?”  He seized the opportunity to draw the conversation on.  “How lovely!  What do you paint?”

“My nails mainly.  Occasionally I paint a bathroom.”  She chuckled at his confusion, trying to bring the mood away from her harsh reaction.

Initially she’d thought him a solemn, troubled man, waiting out in the rain for some kind of peace.  There was something about him that she felt connected to, like his outward display of – how to describe it - mourning, maybe, was akin to how she felt inside.  Now she saw he was light-hearted and really quite funny in an awkward, goofy kind of way.

Unable to make sense of the man, she decided to change the subject.  Time was getting on and she had to meet David back at Neptune’s.

“I better be going.”  She gestured with a thumb directed over her shoulder.  “It was, ummm, _educational_ talking with you.”

“The pleasure was all mine.”  He smiled warmly if a little reluctantly.  “Would you like company on your walk back through?”  The suggestion was hasty.

“No thanks, I’m good.”  She said.  “See you tomorrow.”  The little smirk that curled her lip was involuntary and she turned to hide it, waving vaguely in leu of a goodbye.

“Good night!”  He called.

 

David arrived at precisely ten o’clock, jogging around the corner, dishevelled like he’d rushed his clothes on only minutes before.

“Good visit?”

“The best!”  He hugged her tightly, planting a lingering kiss on her cheek.  Did she want to know where those lips had been?

She was always happy to see him happy.  It was more rewarding than you would imagine, putting yourself out there to help someone who then relied on you to help keep the balance of their fragile but fierce happiness.  Jess felt, in moments like these, that it was all worth the effort.  This feeling was exactly why she supported him the way she did.

“Did you ask him about meeting up?  I really wanna see this mystery man who makes you so happy.”

“I did.”  David was sheepish.  “He doesn’t think it’s a good idea.”

This didn’t sound good at all.  Usually when David got defensive it was because he’d done something wrong or because he knew that people wouldn’t approve.  It was rare that he wouldn’t tell her the truth however.

“Why not?  I’m not going to bite.  I just want to meet him.  It’s not like me seeing him is gonna somehow trigger your dad finding out or anything.

“He’s not ready to meet people, you know, _out_.”  He tried to explain it away but couldn’t look her in the eye.

She felt the irritation rising up under her skin as a restless burning feeling.  She clenched her teeth, pursing her lips and going fully with the disapproving frown.

“I accept that you don’t have to tell me everything.  It’s your life.  But when all I’ve ever done is support you, the least you can do is not lie to me, David.”

“It’s complicated, Jess.  I can’t ask him to do this.”

“David, so help me god…”  She hissed.

“He’s married, Jess.  As in straight and married.  As in going behind his wife’s back to sleep with me, his gay lover.”  His agitation faded as the words flooded out.

“Jesus…”

Her mouth fell open and she didn’t know what else to say.  She felt pity for him and his situation but she also felt angry for being kept in the dark.  Knowing wasn’t any better than not knowing.  In fact, now, all she could think about was that man’s poor wife.  People had so little left to feel happy about, after D-Day, that to wreck someone’s marriage knowingly was pretty despicable.

“I know what you’re thinking.”

“No.  No, you don’t.”

“I know you, Jess.  You think I’m a selfish prick for getting involved with a married man.  I’m no homewrecker.”

Okay, so that was pretty close to what she thought, but still…

“He’s never going to leave his wife, and I accept that.  They lost their child like I lost Will and Mom, and he is all she has left.  He still cares for her, he’s just _gay_.  And this makes us happy.”  He gasped emotionally, shoulders hanging down.  “We found something together that keeps the darkness at bay, you know, we’ve both lost so much.”

A tear slipped free.  How could she not understand?  She’d lost as much as anyone.

“Jess, I’m so sorry.”  He reached for her and she went to him, hugged tight against his chest.  He kissed the top of her head and rested his cheek there.  “I’m so tactless sometimes.  You’re always so strong that I forget you’re suffering too.”

That was her curse.  She was always the strong one, the one people turned to for support.  She cared too much, gave everything asked of her and took very little back.

“Am I forgiven?”  David mumbled into her hair.

The wind was getting up again, cold and gusty, carried off the see and straight up the street.  The effect was not unlike a wind tunnel during high winds.

“Not by a long shot.”  She slapped his shoulder, withdrawing back to her own space.  “There’s going to be a free dinner in it for me sometime in the near future.”

“Cheap dinner though.”  He cringed.  “I’m a broke-ass basic bitch right now.”

Jess couldn’t help but laugh.  She’d probably never call in that favour, like the hundreds before it.  David was her brother.  Not just because of Will but because they shared this strange life together, each needing the other in some way just to get by.  She wasn’t sure if she needed David in the same way but he kept her tethered to Will in a way that allowed her to live rather than moping at home in a pit of her own despair.  She was a high functioning griever.


	6. New Heights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor's stalking reaches a new high with the help of a certain former Russian spy. He comes to realise that he's hopelessly addicted to the woman names Jess. Thor gives her a name for himself, and they strike an easy rapport.
> 
> Weeks on, something suddenly changes and Thor is thrown into a dilemma: kiss the girl or do the honourable thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here, Donald Blake is Thor's alter ego. (It's a little nod to the comics.)

Thor had accepted that the mystery woman had not wanted his company on her walk back through the park but he did not stay on the promenade.  At a distance he followed her, watching her traverse the foot-worn trails through the brush in the sporadic light of the lampposts.

He watched from the shadows as she met with her fiancé, as he kissed her and they embraced.  With the use of his bionic eye he watched them walk further up the street where they seemed to get into a fight.  He couldn’t make out the words but he could see she was angry, and then terribly sad.  Whatever that man had said or done to her was none of his business but it irritated him nonetheless.

When they both disappeared into an underground parking garage, he thought perhaps they lived there in the building above.   Soon after, a small red Toyota emerged onto the street and disappeared along a side street.  Perhaps not then.

There were many things about the woman that he didn’t know, and those were mostly things that he had no right to know, like where she lived or worked for example.  Thor liked to know things, he preferred to be prepared.

The parking garage served the offices and businesses above, of which there was a mixture from legal to health and not surprisingly, an art studio.  It also served as a limited space public parking area.

 _The art studio is promising._   He thought.

 

The next day he went to investigate, disguised as a rich entrepreneur.  He carried a suit very well and had seen enough of Stark’s interactions with people to know how things should be done.  So, wearing the petrol blue three-piece he had worn to the first Avengers press conference and ball, and the large silvery time piece gifted to him by Clint two Christmases ago, he availed himself of the studio’s exhibition.

The paintings were mediocre at best.  In all his years on Asgard, visiting all nine realms, and the years he’d spend here on Midgard, he had never seen anything as unsatisfying as what they produced in this era and called modern art.  The sculptures were better, in particular a twisting metal contraption that spun, creating undulating waves using the motion of each segment.  It looked like a jellyfish propelling itself through the deep ocean.  The kinetic sculpture was powered by a motor inside the gallery but the intent for the piece was for it to be wind powered.

It was beautiful, mesmerising even.

“Good morning, sir.”  The smartly dressed assistant approached him.  “Can I show you our video catalogue of kinetic sculptures?”

“What’s the artist like?”  He asked aloofly, suddenly disinterested in the motion of the sculpture.

“I don’t quite follow.”

“For me it’s more about the artists journey than the final piece.  The kind of person they are, the things they’ve overcome, their process.  Can you show me some biographicals on your artists instead?  I have a specific need to find a connection.”  Thor could feel himself oozing with charismatic over-confidence and pompousness.

“Certainly, sir.”

The young man scurried away but did not return.  Instead an older lady in a designer pants suit, with a commanding presence approached.

“I understand you wanted to meet the artist.”  She smiled smugly.

“You painted all of these works?”  He spread his arms and gestured largely.

“Save a few.”  She nodded, eyeing him like a snack.

“And the sculptures?”

“Some.”  She drank him in from head to toe.  “I mainly work in clay, like this one.”  She stroked her hand lovingly down a large sculpture shaped like a lady’s forearm, the base was like the roots of a tree and a single leaf sprouted from one of the splayed fingers.  “It’s the tree of life.”  She smiled with pride.

The piece was titled Yggdrasil.

 _You have no idea what Yggdrasil really is_.  He thought.

“Poetic.”  He said, nodding with false appreciation.  “What about the metal-work?”

“My partner.  He works large-scale for public display.”  She flicked her hand dismissively.  “These are the smallest of his works.”

“And it’s just the two of you?”  Thor was starting to despair.

“Yes, we’re a business here, not just a labour of love, Mr…?”

“Blake.”  He supplied languidly.

“Mr Blake?”  She mused over the name.  “British aristocracy?”

“Something like that.”  He coughed nervously.  “How could you tell?”

“You have a rarefied air about you.  If I did portraits I’d offer you my services.”  She winked, predatory.

“I’m after something in particular, a connection.  Not a portrait.”

“And what is the budget, if you don’t mind my asking?”

“The price is irrelevant, for the right piece.”  He took another look around, trying not to notice her greedy smirk.  “None of your assistants paint?”

“No, neither of them.”  She scowled.

“Are you sure?  I had heard there might be a budding artist in hiding up here.”  He winked at her cheekily.

“You’ve met Alasdair, and She’ree has no skill with a brush.  She is wicked with record keeping but isn’t artistic in any way.”

“Sherry?  The brunette?”

“She’ree.  The redhead.”   She was growing impatient.  “It’s obvious that nothing here has caught your eye, Mr Blake.”

“Yes,” he blinked disappointingly, “it appears this has been nothing but a wild goose chase.  I apologise for wasting your time, madam.”

 

What in Odin’s name was he doing?  Stalking a woman he’d seen out walking her dog?  Visiting places in the hopes of seeing her or finding out more about her?

On his way down in the elevator he noticed an older woman staring intensely at him, unashamed.  He looked away but she did not.  Looking at the floor, the walls, the ceiling, the doors, his shoes, his fingernails, everywhere but her, he endured the ride to the ground floor in uncomfortable self-conscious silence.  A nervous smile and a quick exit later he was striding out of the communal lobby and onto the street.

“There you are!”  A familiar voice stopped his heart.  He panicked.  Stopped dead outside the doorway and stepped immediately left, hiding behind the pillar.  He mentally blessed the girth and steadfastness of the stone feature.

“Did you see that guy?!”

“What guy?”

“The guy who just got off the elevator.”

“What guy?”

“The hunk in the swanky blue suit.”

“I didn’t see a guy.”

“ _You_ wouldn’t.”

“Come on, we’ll miss all the good tables.”

She was coming.  Heading his way.  She’d see him and the game would be up.  She’d be upset, creeped out, disgusted even.  She’d tell him to stay away from her and he’d do what she asked, of course he would, but it’d hurt.  Ever since he’d met her he’d felt different, less angry, less loathsome.  She’d calmed his inner storm without him fully realising, until now, the extent of the effect she was having on him.

“I swear if I was twenty years younger I’d be getting arrested for rape.”  The older woman laughed.  “He was beautiful, Jess, absolutely stunning.  My Charlie would be getting a divorce if someone like that walked into my life.  Hell, I’d probably never walk right ever again.”

“Jesus woman, I can practically hear you squelching as you walk.  Do you need a napkin?”

Both laughing heartily, the two women exited, and as they did so, Thor shuffled himself around the column, slotting himself between the stone and the full-length glass of the lobby frontage.  The girl at the desk frowned at him.

He smiled nervously and moved away.  The two women turned the corner and he was suddenly safe.  And now he had a name.  _Jess._   Why hadn’t he looked closer at the woman in the elevator?  He could remember next to nothing about her except that her hair was short and light, that her eyes were brown and made him uncomfortable, and that she wore dark coloured formal attire.  There were no clues at all.

He racked his brain for information.  He hadn’t even seen his mystery woman, only heard her voice.  There was a chance that he had been mistaken, and it hadn’t even been her.

 _You know in your heart it was her._   He pepped himself up.  _Now remember more!_

 

It was useless.  The more he plundered the memory the fainter it became until he could barely hear his mystery woman’s voice in his head.

 _This is wrong._   He berated himself.  _She’s taken.  You should just let her go.  There’s nothing for you but heartache and a knee to the groin.  If you’re lucky, just heartache._

He couldn’t argue with the facts but it didn’t change the other fact that he’d become different since he’d met her.  The small amount of interaction he’d had with her had lifted him out of the gutter and back on his feet.  Imagine what getting to know her better could achieve.  He was attracted to her, certainly, but sex wasn’t the ultimate goal.  He decided he’d be happy just to have her in his life.  A friend, someone he could share things with, good and bad.

_So stop the creeping._

“Ok, fine!”  He huffed aloud.

 

 

That evening, after he watched Jess meet her fiancé at Neptune’s coffee shop, watched him kiss her and hand the dog off to her before dashing away, Thor realised that he had no willpower, couldn’t be trusted and also he deceived himself all too often.  Telling himself he’d stop stalking her had been a bare-faced lie.  Well, almost.  Instead, he was stalking the fiancé.

Thor tailed him six blocks to a small hotel by the lighthouse, right near where Thor lived.  He knew that the man made it back to meet Jess by ten pm, so what could the fiancé of a beautiful woman like her possibly be doing going to a hotel several nights a week?

Thor disliked the man before, but now he was disgusted.

 

Jogging back along the promenade he made it to marker twelve later than usual.  Jess was already there, sitting in his seat.

“Stealing my seat now?” 

“You snooze, you lose.”  Her smile was mischievous.  “I thought for a moment you’d found a better spot.”

“This is definitely the best spot.”

“You sure you’re not holding out on me?”

“Certainly not.”

“Alright.”  She looked at him with suspicion.  “You keep your secrets.”  She gave him a tiny wink.

Talking to her that evening he could only think of the betrayal that was happening at that very moment in a hotel room a little over a mile away.  Where did she think her fiancé went while she was here walking their dog?

 

When she left their communal spot to meet back up with her fiancé again Thor followed.  The man looked crumpled, dishevelled, flustered.  How could she not notice that?  It wasn’t Thors place to judge.  Maybe she was so in love that she didn’t see, aand discover her fiancé’s treachery would break her heart.

 

The next day Thor used the communicator.

“Romanoff,” he rumbled, “It’s Thor.  Yes, yes, I know you know who I am.  Listen, I need a favour.”

He asked the former spy to get him some information on who had been staying at the hotel by the lighthouse the previous night.

“It’s a personal project.”  He said vaguely when she questioned him.  “I need to find someone.”

“Any thoughts on when you’re coming back?  Steve is worried about you.”

“Tell him I’m fine.  Tell him I said hello.”

“I’ll email you what I find.”

“Great, Thank you.”

 

Romanoff was thorough and efficient.  There were only four rooms booked at the hotel that night.  One a couple from Canada.  One a lady who had been staying there since Monday and was due to leave on Sunday – promising.  One a conference suite rented by the hour – also promising.  And one an elderly gentleman there for one night.

There were additional notes and photographs attached.  Romanoff had pulled driver’s licences, addresses and a flurry of other information from the SHIELD and law enforcement databases.  The elderly gentleman apparently lived in Florida but visited New London once a year on the anniversary of his wife’s death.  _Not him then_.  The woman was staying in the hotel for a week while her house was repaired, after all the recent rainfall, her basement had been flooded and needed significant repair.  _Ooops._   That just left the conference suite.

It had been rented on an ongoing basis by a Mr Charles S. Duffy.  Charles was an investment banker living right here in New London.  Age 58. Married, with one child [DECEASED].  Vehicle:  Silver Ford Explorer.  The plate number was right there too.

Thor sent a reply requesting more info on Duffy’s activities at the hotel, and received CCTV footage of the man entering the hotel and various cameras tracking his movements into the Seaview Suite - as the name on the door said.  A short while after, a tall man looking very much like Jess’s fiancé entered the suite also.  Both men emerge from the suite within minutes of each other shortly before ten pm.

His communicator played a snippet of a tune with tension and drums.  He’d received a message.

[N.R]  Are you P.I. Thor now?

[T.O.]  It’s personal.  What is P.I?

[N.R]  Forget it.

[T.O]  Please don’t tell Stark.

 

In the early evening he went to the gym.  They were used to seeing him there now and happy to let him go about his business without interrupting him to find out if he knew how to use each of the machines.  There was always the occasional patron who looked on, impressed, to see how much he was bench pressing.   He pushed himself hard, realising he’d missed this aspect of his life.

 

It was warmer today than previous days.  The progression into late spring /early summer was apparent now that his month-long brooding session was drawing to a close.  Soon there would be more people staying out later in the evenings due to the nicer weather and the lighter nights.  He decided he might as well enjoy the beach while he could.

Tucking his shoes into his gym bag he crossed the railings and dropped the few feet down onto the sand.  It was cold and damp between his toes, not at all as pleasant as he had hoped.  Using his bag as a seat he sat a few metres up from the dark line that marked the most recent tide line and picked out pebbles to throw at the water.  If he timed it just right he could throw the pebbles right at the leading edge of the water as it shifted and began to recede.

 

The yap of a small dog startled him.  He’d know that bark anywhere but he refused to turn around, that would be… desperate.  Soon the clunk of heels along the promenade drew to a stop nearby.  He continued to throw his stones, unable to prevent the small smirk that forced its way onto his lips.

It felt like he sat there for hours waiting for her to notice him, he’d exhausted all pebbles in the reachable vicinity and would be forced to move very soon.  Just when he was about to admit defeat, her voice carried down to him.

“You tired of sharing your spot with me now?”  She said playfully, leaning on her forearms on the railings, as was her preferred position.

Acting as if he hadn’t noticed her approach he turned, looking surprised.

“Oh, hello!”  He waved and stood.  “Not at all.  I’m a very gracious landlord.”  Approaching the raised wooden walkway he came face-to-face with her ankles.  Looking upward, the line of her nylon-sheathed legs disappeared at the knee under that wonderfully shaped skirt she seemed to prefer.  “You may squat here at my marker as often as you like.”  He smiled, squinting a little against the light behind her.  “I mean, you said you were a squatter, I didn’t mean that you should squat.  Unless you’d prefer to come down here.  I mean I can help you, if you’d like?”

 _Oh shut your infernal mouth for once!_   His face burned.

“I’m fine thanks.”  She laughed, lowering her head until her smirk was smothered by the backs of her hands.  “I’m not exactly dressed for climbing fences.”

“I’ll come up then.”  He slung his bag across his back and pulled himself up and over the railings.  Dusting the sand from his feet he put his shoes back on, regarding her furtively while his head was lowered.

“You come here every day?”  She asked.

“In one way or another, yes.”

“Oooh, mysterious.”  She poked fun.  “I don’t even know what that means.”

“Well,” he rumbled, swallowing dryly, “I come here to use the gym, or run sometimes.  I do live quite close, just over there in fact.”  He pointed to the waterfront apartment building a mile up the shoreline.  “Mostly I come here to be at peace.”

 _You give me peace._   He thought.

Something in her face changed, softened even, if it could possibly get any more appealing.  There was a sadness in her eyes.  He couldn’t look away.

“You lost someone?”  She broke eye contact first, staring down at her hands.

“hmm?”  He was baffled for a split second.  “Oh you mean The Infinity War?  D-Day?  Yes, I lost a great many people that day.”  Did his voice just break then?  “But before that even… I’ve seen some terrible things.”

He was aware that he shouldn’t be going down this road, not with her.  He’d hoped to remain anonymous, to leave Thor -The Avenger behind and become Thor - the man instead.  Or possibly even not Thor at all, just a man.

“Were you in the army?”

“Close enough.”  He nodded.  If he wasn’t careful he would give too much away.  “I prefer not to speak of it.”

“I get it.”  She reassured.  “We’re all hurting, it’s just that some of us hide it better than others.  A lot of people died.  It’s harder to find people who _didn’t_ lose someone.”

“Life is the only thing that can be stolen and never given back.”  He muttered.  “And time.”

“Profound.”  She praised.

“I have my moments.  There’s a lot going on with me, you know.”  He tried to lighten the mood.  “Part-time public-space landlord, rain chaser, and philosopher.  To mention just a few.”

His humour was verging on cringeworthy.  How had he taken it from harrowing inner turmoil to shameless flirtation in one sentence.

“I’m sure you have many talents.”

Had she just flirted back or was that sarcasm?

“I’m Jessica, by the way.”  She proffered her hand.

He took it gently, raising it and bowing as if to press it against his forehead in a gesture of utmost respect.

“It’s a pleasure to finally meet you.”  Charm oozing from him in waves.  “My name is…”

_What should I tell her?  Hello, I’m Thor, God of Thunder!  Out of the question._

He spoke slowly, giving himself a chance to think of a name.  He’d never given it any thought before, if he wasn’t Thor then who was he?  The woman in the art studio had thought him British aristocracy, so what was a good British name?  A British King perhaps.  Henry.  Richard.  George.  William.  Yes, that one!

Her face dropped, slack jawed and horrified she watched his mouth start forming the name.  Seeing the shock bloom across her face was enough to make him reconsider the whole false name thing.

“W-i-l-l-you excuse me.”  He turned and fake sneezed into his hands.

“Bless you.”

“My apologies.  My name is Donald, my friends call me Don.”

 _Your friends call you Point Break but you’re not telling her that._   He thought.

“Don?”

“I’d offer to shake your hand but, well…”  He grimaced, making a show of wiping his hands on the legs of his jeans.

“Yeah, I’m good.”  She chuckled.  “Good to know you, Don.”

“Lady Jessica.”  He swept himself into a flourishing bow drawing a good-humoured eye roll from her.  “The pleasure is mine.”

“My friend’s call me Jess.”

“If I’m permitted?”

“I don’t mind.  Knock yourself out.”

“Very well, Jess.”

 

He might have looked bashful for a moment as she looked him up and down.  He’d gotten more than he had hoped for so why was his chest aching and his gut telling him to escape?  She was beautiful, he really couldn’t think that enough.  Her steely-blue eyes were large and expressive, delicately arching brows and rich dark hair framing her perfect face.  The sweep of long lashes had him holding his breath when she blinked long and slow, a slight blush on her cheeks as they spoke.

“Have I got something on my face again?”  Her brows knitted subtly.

Jerking out of his daze, he searched her visage for anything out of place.

“No, you look perfect, as always.”  He’d totally missed that he’d been staring at her the whole time.

She frowned more deeply, tucking a few carefree strands of hair back behind her ear.

“I should go, it’s already after ten.”  She looked away with a look he could only describe as shame.  “Daisy has been so patient with me.”

Thor wanted to say something.  Apologise.  Make light of his inability to read a situation.  Tell her how much he enjoyed her company.  Anything to take the shame from her expression.  Ask her to stay - not that it would help.  Instead he went with:

“She’s a good dog.”

 

After they parted, Thor mentally kicked himself.  He always had an uncanny knack of making things awkward.  More often than not it was endearing and usually made him quite likeable, especially to women.  But then again they mostly only wanted into his trousers, more so when they discovered he was a god.  Jess was different, she was guarded.  He felt that he hadn’t overstepped any boundaries but this was Midgard and his ways were foreign here.  He would have to be more careful with his compliments so as not to make her uncomfortable.

 

The next day she returned.  And the next.  Thor found himself falling in with her routines.  Before long they’d been talking five nights a week for several weeks.  Thor started walking with her while she walked the dog, always keeping a proper distance and never making her feel awkward.  He brought a ball for Daisy Duke which became something they did, he kept it in his gym bag always.  He told Jess it was becoming part of his daily workout so he and Daisy would run and chase each other in the grass while Jess watched on, laughing.

Jess started bringing an extra coffee with her for him.  He’d tried the tiramisu hot chocolate, and while he enjoyed the taste he couldn’t excuse the excessive calories but he didn’t tell her that.

“I like my coffee how I like my men.”  He said flatly.  “Long and black, and bitter on the tongue.”

“Lewd!”  She’d laughed long, feigning disgust, tears running down her cheeks.  “That’s something my mind will never unsee.  Thanks for that.”

That had been one of Thor’s favourite days with her.  The day she laughed so hard she cried.  He’d seen tears in her eyes before, shamefully brushed away, emotions denied.  Now they made her eyes sparkle like star-steel.  Wet cheeks or not she was stunning.  Her hand momentarily rested on his bicep and he found her almost too close for comfort.  He’d been laughing too, but now he was looking at the play of happiness on her lips and sparkle in her eyes.  She’d done the same, eyes flicking down to his mouth as her laughter subsided.  His skin prickled with anticipation and it was like he was frozen in place, seeing her within reach but unable to make the moment real.

Something broke in her and she snorted loudly, falling into a second round of laughter.  It took the awkwardness out of the moment.  Perhaps she hadn’t felt it like he had.  He hoped she hadn’t noticed him hungrily drinking in the sight of her, hanging on her every gesture like a breath exhaled on a still and frozen night, where one slight caress could send him spiralling.

 

No matter how he felt, Thor was the perfect gentleman.  Always respectful, always chivalrous, always considerate.  He’d been brought up that way.  He never intruded on Jess’s time with her fiancé, remaining out of the way during drop offs and pick ups but making sure she was safe.  In the beginning the fiancé had walked with her in the park before leaving to ‘meet up with friends’ – those were Jess’s words.  But now he left her at Neptune’s in order to dash off for a few hours with his lover.  Thor had done enough digging to see what the man was up to but he didn’t understand how could Jess not see?  She was astute and incredibly smart; she reminded him of Jane a little in that respect.

 _Sometimes people can’t see what they don’t want to see._   He told himself many times.

Her fiancé was having an affair with another man.  Thor didn’t want to be the one to break the news to her but the longer it went on the harder it was for him to stay silent.  The risk that she would blame Thor for telling her and never speak to him again, however, kept him quiet.  He was torn.

 

Spring turned to summer and they still met each other in the park.  Thor had been content with simply sharing her time on the nights she was there.  Jess hadn’t offered anything else, nor asked.

Conversation was easy and they talked about a great many things, though never anything too personal.  He discovered that she worked at a dental surgery nearby (she had pointed up the street where Neptune’s was on the corner), which then triggered a memory of the day he’d gone to the gallery, and the woman in the elevator.  There had been an astringent smell he had barely even noticed but with the new information his memory returned, richer, and now with aroma-vision.  Thor had chuckled out of the blue, drawing questions from her.

“I know that building.”  He’d replied.  “I visited an art dealer there once, very disappointing show but the woman there offered to capture my likeness.”

“I bet she did.”  Jess’s tone was full of innuendo, but Thor’s look of innocence made her laugh all the harder.

 

Thor told her he worked in ‘security solutions’ which she accepted.  It hadn’t been far from the truth, in a scaled down, simplistic way.  They shared anecdotes, although Thor held back;  there was much of his life and antics that were well documented in the media here on Midgard, and although Jess didn’t seem to pay any attention to that, there was bound to be something that would make his real identity known to her.

She really seemed to enjoy his company and he watched as she blossomed from the closed off, pained and self-diminished creature into a radiant, vibrant and exuberant woman, full of life.  It was basking in this glory that Thor finally saw that life could be good, even after all of his failings and defeat in The Infinity War.  Good could come out of evil, and that he deserved happiness as much as everyone else, in whatever capacity it presented itself.

 

 

Things changed dramatically one Saturday night.  Jess arrived at Neptune’s as usual, straight from work.  Thor watched from a shaded part of the park as she met with her fiancé.  Thor would wait for her until she crossed over and pick up her trail, meeting her a little way down the footpath.  Her fiancé had stopped getting her the usual hot chocolate with tiramisu a while back so she and Thor took it in turns to buy drinks for each other.  Today it was Thor’s turn and he had 2 cups in hand ready waiting.

There seemed to be an issue, however.  They were arguing, arms wildly gesticulating, voices raised.  The fiancé was pointing at the park aggressively, his face growing more red.  Jess was crying.  She took the dog leash from him looking up at the sky in supplication.  Suddenly she slapped him across the face and scooped up the dog, striding away from him, heedless of oncoming traffic.  The fiancé left without a backward glance.

Thor’s heart almost stopped as she stepped out onto the road.  He scanned up and down but she was clear.  Her pace quickened, feet skipping as she partly jogged through the park’s gateway from the street.  He didn’t want her to know he’d seen so he moved to intercept her at the joining of their two paths.

“Hey, you.”  He said in the calmest tone he could muster, falling into step beside her.  “Good day?”  He prompted, hoping she’d open up.

She didn’t even look at him.

“Jess?”

Her face was streaked with tears, and she stared ahead only as if it was the only way to hold her composure.  A few more strides on he decided to take action.  Getting out in front of her, he transferred both cups to one big hand, base stacked on lid, and stopped her with a hand laid gently on her shoulder.

“Hey, hey,” he soothed, “what’s the matter?”

That was all it took for the floodgates to open and she was crying again, shoulders shaking, gasping for breath as she let go of her composure.

Thor put the drinks down beside his feet and stepped forward to pull her into a hug.  It was such a natural gesture, he didn’t even think about the space he promised himself he’d always give her, nor the physical contact he knew he shouldn’t engage in.  She needed him in that moment, and she didn’t shy away.

Jess leant into him, allowing him to wrap her in his arms, and pressed her face into his chest.  She sobbed and sniffled, breathing hot and humid through his t-shirt onto his skin.  They stood like that for a while, with him rubbing her back in the most platonic way he could, and her soaking his chest with her tears.

Daisy started pulling on the leash and it seemed to draw Jess back to the here and now.  She stepped back as Thor’s arms fell away.  They felt all wrong with the warmth of her gone and he wasn’t sure what to say, or do.  Without more information about why she was so upset, he could very well say the wrong thing and make everything so much worse.

“Is there anything I can do?”  He spoke softly.

The park had few enough people in it that they were relatively alone, and the quality of the light made it feel like they were secluded in a twilight realm.  He longed to hold her again but to do so would not be proper.

“No.”  She exhaled a heavy, shuddering breath, and wiped her cheeks with the palms of her hands.

When she looked up at him a second later she looked so vulnerable  His heart ached to see her this way.

Her eyes flicked down to his soaked t-shirt and back up to his face.  Her eyes went wide and gasped a little.

Thor panicked.  She was about to say something about him touching her.

“I’m sorry, I…”  He gestured with his arms.

“I’m not.”

She didn’t miss a beat.  Stepping forward quickly, she stood on her tip-toes and pressed her lips to his, freezing him on the spot.

Her lips were soft and a little puffy from crying but they felt divine.  She released the seal of her lips but kept gentle contact, trailing her mouth across his, slowly drawing him into a response, parting his lips with hers until things suddenly clicked.

His response was immediate and thorough.  Catching her waist with one hand and sliding the other into her hair, he cradled her, deepening the kiss.  He delved into her, tasting the salt of her tears and the sweetness of her mouth.  It was everything he’d imagined it would be and he was swept away by the wave of passion that crested and flooded his senses.

Her hands were on his face, in his hair and she was sighing through her nose as their tongues touched and circled in the join between them.  One more little moan from her and he swore to himself that he’d lay her down right there and see what other noises he could coax from her beautiful lips.

 _This isn’t right._   He thought, mentally kicking himself as he so often did when he thought improper thoughts around her.

 

Thor was the first to pull back, breathless and startled.  He felt like he had as a boy getting caught stealing sweet treats from the kitchens.  This thing between them now wasn’t his to have, it was a dream and was destined to remain as such.

“I can’t allow you to do this.”  He beseeched, steadying her with hands on her upper arms, thumbs gently stroking against her blouse.  “Your fiancé might be an unfaithful weasel but you’re better than that.  I could not forgive myself for making an adulterer of you.”

Her furious frown was complete and undeniable.  There was confusion there also, and tears.  Plump beads collecting on her lower lids, making her eyes turn glassy.

Turning on her heel, she fled, tugging the poor dog with her.

“Jessica, wait!”  Thor felt like he’d been punched in the gut by Hulk, breathing was difficult and he ached.

He knew he should not follow, she wanted space or why run?  She’d already cleared the park and it took every ounce of willpower to keep his feet firmly planted where they were because every nerve in his body told him to go to her and his muscles twitched to obey.  The fading feeling of her lips on his pulled at something in his chest, making him feel hollow.  What in Odin’s name had he done?


	7. Falling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We learn about the argument Jess had with David, and how he'd been a spectacularly bitchy arsehole, and how Jess felt about kissing her lonely man for the first time.
> 
> The misunderstandings start to surface for both Jess and Thor/Don.
> 
>  
> 
> This chapter covers the events at the end of the previous chapter from a different perspective, and with additional info.

Jess wasn’t thinking straight when she kissed Don.  Her emotions were running high and her brain had practically disengaged but, in the moment, it had felt wonderful and so very right.  Now, afterwards, rushing away with the tears of rejection stinging her eyes she felt scorned and shameful.  Everything had been going well until suddenly it wasn’t.

When she’d met David that evening he’d been different, cold even.  She recalled their conversation.

 

“Can you cover for me tomorrow?  I want to spend some extra time with Silas.”

“It’s Sunday,” she’d said, “can you not just tell Bill that you’re meeting a friend from work?”

“He knows I don’t go out with people from work.”

“What about when he’s at his survivors’ group?”

“Too early.”  He sighed angrily.  “C’mon, Jess, it’s one extra day.  I never ask you for anything.”

She scoffed at his audacity.

“You ask me for things all the time.”

“Like what?  Name one thing I’ve asked of you before this.”

“Are you serious?”  She was dumbfounded.  “Am I imagining that I meet you 5 days a week to walk your dog while you go get your asshole drilled by a married man, _and_ keep it a secret from your homophobic father?”

“I can’t believe you’re being this selfish.”  He spat.

She actually laughed at that remark.  How could he ever call her selfish and ever be right.

“It’s my fucking birthday tomorrow, David, or did you forget?  And My friends from work are taking me out for dinner and a few drinks.  I apologise if that doesn’t fit in with _your_ designs for _my_ time.”  Raised voices on a public street weren’t the best for privacy but at that point she was so angry she didn’t care who saw or heard.  “And how dare you!  You don’t get to stand there and call me selfish.  Not when I do every goddamn little thing you ever ask for and a whole bunch of stuff you drop hints about but never actually do me the courtesy of asking.  I volunteer for them because you’ve been through a lot and you’re Will’s brother.”

Her tears had started flowing around about the middle of her little rant.  Why was David being like this?

“I’m surprised you remember who he is to be honest.”

“What the fuck does that mean?  Do you think you’re the only one who misses him.  That you’re the only one who suffered when he died?”

“It means that I know about that guy you meet over there in the park while you’re _sooo_ innocently walking Daisy.  It hasn’t even been a year since Will died and you’re already looking to get with someone else.  It’s disgusting.  You wear his ring and flirt with other men.  You’ve got no decency.”

“I haven’t flirted with anyone.  Don is just someone who goes to the same spot I do to watch the ocean.”  She couldn’t believe what she was hearing.  While Don had grown on her over the months, and yes there was something about him that really appealed to her, she’d never encouraged him or acted on any feeling she might have had.

“Don.”  He sneered.  “I bet he’s been in my brother’s bed already.”

“Careful what you say next, you’re in no position to lecture me about morals.  And for the record it’s been fourteen months and eight days since D-Day.  I know exactly how long I’ve been without Will.”

“You promised him when you got engaged that you’d look after me if anything happened to him or dad.  Have you forgotten that or do you just not care about my happiness?”

“Give me the goddamn dog leash.”  She hissed at him.  “You better find someone else to keep your secrets and run around after you because I’m done now.  I’ll take Daisy home to your dad after her walk, and you can find your own way home.”

She glowered at him, watching his bitterness flare into hatred.

“You shit on the memory of my brother like this and think I want anything else to do with you.  He should never have started dating you, you’re nothing but a selfish bitch.  It should’ve been you that died, not him.”

Jess’s tears were flowing like twin rivers down her face, and a tight knot had formed around her heart.  She couldn’t breathe.

“Those fucking Avengers probably did him a favour letting him die so he could get away from you.”

The noise her hand made when it contacted his cheek was what made her realise she’d swung for him.  The loud crack shocked her, stilling her tears, replacing fury with resolve.

Jess turned and fled, taking Daisy with her.  She jogged across the street as fast as she could in her heels, never looking back.  If David was shouting she couldn’t hear him, her sole focus was getting to the safety of the park.  It was secluded there, and peaceful.  David wouldn’t have chased her to get violent, he wasn’t like that.  But then again, that person she saw just then hadn’t been David either, at least not the David she thought she knew.  Don would be there at least, as a deterrent if David did follow.

His words came to her again.  _You wear his ring and flirt with other men.  You’re a disgrace._

No matter how she thought about it, David was right in a way.  She’d not left well enough alone with Don, by rights she shouldn’t have gone back to the spot they met after she realised that he was fond of her.  She definitely knew he liked her and couldn’t deny it.  In truth she liked him too, more than that though, he made her happy.  Just talking, walking, sharing a coffee, for a few hours a day rather than spend the time utterly alone.  What was wrong with that?  Nothing had ever come of it.  She’d made sure to keep just enough distance between them in terms of familiarity to make it clear that she didn’t want anything romantic, and Don had been the perfect gentleman.  He respected the unspoken boundaries she imposed with unwavering commitment.  But if she was honest with herself.  Really, truly honest, she knew she’d lied to herself, for weeks now; telling herself she’d met someone who was just a friend, someone who she felt nothing for, someone who she could stop seeing if she wanted to.  She could no more put Don down than an amazing book, he’d enriched her life through some of the darkest times and she knew he felt the same.  The moody broody mountain of a man had shown her he was funny and kind and incredibly sensitive, and she loved that about him.  The way he smiled, so big and genuine.  His bashfulness and the deadpan way he joked that made her laugh until her ribs hurt.  His kindness and the fact that he was chivalrous to a fault, like ancient times chivalrous.  And the way he spoke, oh Jesus that voice of his, she could listen to him talk all night.

And suddenly he was stood in front of her, looking worried, with two cups stacked in one hand and his other laid on her shoulder, so gently but it weighed enough to anchor her right there in front of him.

He was asking her what was wrong and her body gave out a huge sob before the tears dammed by her resolve were loosed and free to flow.  He soothed her and drew her to him where she buried her face against his chest and cried until she couldn’t cry any more.  The warmth and scent of him were both soothing and alluring.  The lazy circles he stroked against her back sent tingles into her gut each time his fingers trailed too close to her neck or his touch was feather-light and sensual.

Jess clung to him, feeling the rise and fall of his chest, hearing the deep bass of his voice rumble against her ear, feeling safer than she’d felt since that morning fourteen months, eight days, ten hours and fifty three minutes ago, when she realised that Will was gone forever.

 

Her heart was breaking all over again.  This beautiful man knew nothing of her past save that she’d lost loved ones.  She’d kept all of that to herself, lying to him almost.  It had made it easier for her to keep that part of herself separate, distant even.  But she’d been denying her feelings out of guilt.

 

Daisy began to get restless, bringing Jess back to reality.  She extracted herself from Don’s arms, resenting the chill on her damp cheeks, and regretting soaking his shirt.

When he asked if there was anything he could do, her reply was thick and short – she couldn’t make herself say more without crying again.

Jess wiped her face with her hands, trying to compose herself.  She got her breathing under control enough and slowly looked up.

He looked so worried it tugged at her heart.  Standing there with one hand resting over his heart, where her face had been, the other hanging loosely at his side like he had no use for it without her to hold, he looked broken.  He cherished her, she saw that.  Even the ghost of her presence against his chest was precious to him and she felt the same.

Jess gasped like she’d stopped breathing, feeling a heavy, almost painful, thud in her chest.  She realised in that moment that she wanted him and she wanted to be wanted in return.

He must have read her wrong because he began to apologise but she shut him down and threw caution to the wind, rushing him, laying her lips on his.  He didn’t respond right away but when he did she melted against him, and got so lost in the thrill of kissing him, feeling his soft lips and tasting him that when he pulled away she was surprised.

He said something about her fiancé and infidelity and never being able to forgive himself if he carried on, and she broke again.  It felt like rejection and it hurt so much it made her feel sick.  After the fight with David she’d potentially ruined the best thing to happen to her in months because she was emotional and needy and couldn’t keep her lips to herself.

Before she knew it, Jess was running back up the footpath to the street and Don was calling after her.

_Don’t follow me, I’ve done enough damage already._   She thought.  But her heart wanted him to stop her, hold her again, and kiss her.  He didn’t follow.

 

The drive to David’s house was too quick and rather dangerous.  Jess sped there, her tear-filled eyes barely saw the road and the oncoming traffic dazzled her.  Bill didn’t get up from his recliner when she let Daisy in the house.

“Bill it’s Jess, I’m dropping Daisy off for David, he’s had to go see a friend urgently.  I can’t stay but I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”  She called from the front porch.

“Okay Jess honey you have a good night.”

Even after the things David said to her, she was still keeping his secret.  What good was it to go ahead and ruin his happiness like that?  David wasn’t the only one she would hurt, and no matter how angry or how vengeful she felt, she could not do that to William Senior.

 

Kicking her shoes off behind the front door, Jess flopped down onto the sofa, the wide base and length made it more like a bed than a sofa; she’d fallen asleep there many times.

Her mind reeled as she rehashed the events of the night, from David to Don; she’d made a spectacular mess of both.  David had been a prize prick, she was vindicated in her reaction to his behaviour, but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt.  They’d been friends for almost ten years and had become family.  Since D-Day they’d vowed never to let anything get between them, but apparently that only worked when Jess did everything David wanted.

If Will were still here, he’d tell them both to stop acting like spoiled brats and make-up.  But then if Will were here, none of this would have happened, and she’d be in bed getting pampered and loved on as was birthday eve tradition in the Walker-Tanner household.  Instead, she was agonising over one man and his words, and another and his lips.

Jess wondered what Will would say about Don.  She knew he would want her to move on and be happy, but was fourteen months too soon?  She didn’t even know exactly what it was she felt, there was something there, an undeniable attraction, a deep connection that neither of them had been able to ignore.  Jess had been keeping it pushed behind a locked door in her mind, barely acknowledging its existence, but at the same time feeding it titbits of attention each time she’d met her lonely man.  Each time their eyes met, each laugh and brilliant smile, each casual but rare touch, each and every shared moment had helped that feeling grow until it was now wriggling and clamouring to be free.

David had seen it in her somehow, despite being so self-absorbed, and known it for what it was; a step towards healing, a possibility of life after Will, a chance at her own happiness.  Tonight, the way Don had kissed her back proved that he felt it too.  If she was honest, she knew he’d liked her from their first meeting.  He’d been nice about it, patient in a way, and content with what they had because he sensed it was all she could give him.  As their relationship had grown he hadn’t pushed but each time she’d taken a step closer, increased their familiarity or plain out flirted, he’d been right there, meeting her where she’d placed the new boundary.

She hadn’t even told him the truth, he didn’t know about Will or anything about her life before.  He had been thinking the whole time that she and David were together.  Don had called David her ‘gentleman friend’ and she’d assumed that meant ‘boyfriend’, but tonight he’d said fiancé.

_You wear my brother’s ring, and you flirt with other men_.  David’s words hit her again.

Looking down at her hands she saw she’d been absently twisting Will’s engagement ring around and around on her finger.  She fiddled when she stressed, she fidgeted when she was nervous, and she’d worn the ring since the day he put it on her finger and promised to love her until the end of time.

The ache in her chest grew until she could barely breathe.  Gasping she got to her feet and stumbled to the bathroom to splash her face with cool water.  She gripped the sides of the sink for stability whist glaring at herself in the mirror.  She was a mess; swollen and bloodshot eyes, puffy red lips from where she’d chewed at them, hair dishevelled, skin blotchy.  She looked sick but there was a spark there, behind her eyes.  One that had been missing for so long.  Even Sadie had told her she’d been looking better recently, maybe she’d been on the road to recovery and hadn’t even realised it.

 

Climbing into bed after her evening hygiene routine she resolved to lay her cards on the table.  She’d kept it all inside for so long, barely allowing herself to live, but now she had someone to share with who truly connected with her.  It was about time she told him the truth.


	8. The Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jess finally tells Thor/Don the truth and admits she has feelings for him. The chemistry between them leads to their second, and more thorough, kiss.
> 
> Thor confesses to Jess, accepting his name, heritage and past once more. Naturally she's upset with the idea that he's an alien but she's in too deep to let him go. She just needs time.

The day was bright and the air was still but heavy as she left the parking garage at the practice.  Blessing the convenience of private parking she headed down to Ocean Beach park.

Sunday afternoons seemed to be a dog-walker’s paradise, there were so many more people than she was used to seeing on her evening trips down here with Daisy.  She missed the dog and the comfortable feel of the leash in her left hand.  Without it, her hand felt useless so she stuffed it into her jean’s pocket.

Her clothes didn’t feel normal either, she usually came here after work wearing a skirt and blouse but today she wore stone-wash jeans and a three quarter sleeve, smoky grey blouse with a deep V-neck and pretty floral and geometric embroidery lining the V and running down to the hem.  She wore it loosely tucked in at the front.

Closer to the beach there was a slight breeze which ruffled the sheer fabric, tickling it against her skin.  She felt light and free despite the nervousness that hung in her gut.

It was too early for their normal meeting, and it was Sunday.  Jess wasn’t even sure if Don would be there but she hoped he kept a similar routine on the days she didn’t see him.  Why hadn’t they exchanged cell numbers?  Oh, that’s right, because she had been in denial and he was too respectful.

 

She walked the park a little before heading down to marker twelve.  The boardwalk was bustling and there was even an ice-cream seller a little further along selling pre-wrapped cones and lollies to families with excited children.

As she sat in the warm sun, she began to take notice that the families weren’t complete, most were missing a parent.  The effects of D-Day would always be with them, no matter how they chose to move on afterwards, nothing would ever be the same.  But there was hope, and happiness to be found in the simple things, and the company of those loved ones who remained.

 

Jess shivered as a cloud passed over the sun.  A gust of wind drew goosebumps across her arms and she realised that she’d been there quite a while.  The sky was now a brooding mass of grey clouds that had swept in while she’d been thinking and it was colder now than it had been when she’d put on her sandals and flimsy top.  She had to leave soon anyway to meet Sadie and her friends from the practice for Birthday drinks.  Her talk with Don would have to wait for another day.

 

On her way back to the car, she decided to take a short cut through the leisure centre carpark instead of the meandering paths of the park.  Walking quickly up the sloping pavement she followed the path down the side of the building and into a shaded area where the trees cast a deep shadow.  It was remarkably peaceful there despite the proximity of the building and the slight smell of chlorine from the pool that was obviously inside.

Jess was bumped suddenly from the side, making her scream and gasp as she fell.  Pain bloomed in her upper arms as firm hands grabbed her, steadying her and stopping her fall.

“Jess?”  Don’s voice was soft but full of concern.  “Are you well?”

“I’m good.”  She heaved a calming breath, standing straight.  “I’m good.”

“What are you doing here?”  His grip relaxed, thumbs gently rubbing, but the ache under her skin continued to throb.  It would leave a bruise.

“I, uhhh.”  Why was she blushing?  She’d come here specifically in the hopes that she’d see him, and here he was, in the flesh.  “I actually came to see you.”

Don smiled; a half-smile that curled his lips delicately, flooring her with the breathtaking beauty of him.  How had she never truly seen him this way?  Looking at him now with his damp hair, twinkling eyes, perfect mouth, and god-like physique.  Damn!  How had she not noticed any of that either?  Jesus, Mary and Joseph, the way his t-shirt clung to him, all rippling muscles and glorious lines.  He exuded strength but he wasn’t huge, well, he was huge but not monstrously big.  Her mouth was suddenly dry.

His hands still lay on her arms as if she’d fall again without him anchoring her to him.

“I’m glad you came.”  He became intense.  “There are things I wish I’d said.  Things I need to say…”

“Please, Don, I came here because I need get some things off my chest.”  She interrupted before she lost her nerve.

He looked hurt, worried, and even a little scared.  Did he think she was going to tell him she couldn’t spend any more time with him?

“I’ve lied to you.”  There!  It was out.  She sighed heavily before going on.  “Well, not lied exactly, but I haven’t been completely honest.”

He interrupted her, speaking quickly, nervously even.  “I know about your fiancé and his infidelity.  I understand, and if all we can be is friends then I accept that, but Jessica…”

She held her hand up to silence him, closing her eyes against the pained look he wore.  His hands fell from her arms, leaving her cold.

“About that,” she hung her head.  “David isn’t my fiancé, he’s my fiancé’s brother.  He’s not cheating on me because we’re not together.  And my fiancé dead.”

Don’s mouth hung slack but he remained silent.

“Will and I had been together for a long time, we were engaged.  He died on D-Day along with his mother and everyone else.  David took it bad.  Him and his father are my only family so I do everything I can to make things, uhhhh, less horrific.  In a way, spending so much time with David helped my find a way to go on with my life after Will, and when he found someone to love I was happy to support him in any way I could.  Hence the dog walking 5 days a week.”  She laughed ironically.  “David is gay, and the person he’s been seeing is married.  His father isn’t someone who would be supportive of his life choices in those respects, so I help him keep his secret.  To me, the cost was worth his happiness, but yesterday he crossed a line and said some pretty despicable things about me and also regarding you and the time we spend together, which upset me more than anything has since Will died.  The reason it hurt so much was because he was right, in a way, about how I feel.”

Don was breathing heavily, as if he’d just run to meet her.  His eyes were glassy and frantically searched her face, and his lips quivered as if he was fighting the urge to speak.  He looked desperate, wild even, and that did something to her deep down in her tummy.

“I wanted to apologise for yesterday.  I shouldn’t have taken it out on you and I’m sorry if I overstepped the bounds of our…”  Arrangement?  Friendship?  Relationship?  How could she describe what he was to her without belittling it or making it into a massive deal?  “Connection.”

The subtle shake of Don’s head and the forlorn look he gave her told her that there was far more she could do and still be forgiven.

“But I had hoped that maybe you felt the same and that my overstep wouldn’t be a one-off thing, if you did, happen to feel the same, I mean?”  She fielded, wincing internally as his mouth fell agape again.

The moment was short-lived.  Suddenly he surged forward, delving his hands into her hair, thumbs stroking her cheeks as he drank in the sight of her for one long inhale before ploughing his lips into hers.  The thrill was instantaneous, sending a tingle through her body.  His mouth felt divine as he angled her to deepen the kiss, tongue meeting hers in a slow and sensual dance.  She slid her hands around his waist and, digging her fingers into the muscled ridges of his lower back, she pulled him against her.  He moaned lightly at the increased contact, kissing her more urgently, prickling her with his beard as he ground his lips against hers like she was the last theing he would ever taste.

Clearing the hair from the side of her neck he broke the seal of their lips but didn’t relinquish the contact.  He trailed his mouth across her cheek, leaving hot breathy kisses to her ear where he buried his nose in her hair and sighed deeply before continuing his journey down to the sensitive patch below her ear.  The spike of exhilaration that had her gasping didn’t abate.  She clung to his hunched shoulders helplessly as he nuzzled her there, teasing the skin with his lips and tongue.  So intimate, so erotic.  She was lost.

“Sweet Jessica.”  He sighed, moving to kiss down her neck to the edge of her blouse.

She practically came undone right there.  The needy moan he made when she slipped her fingers into his hair and gripped him, sent a shot of pure arousal straight between her legs.  As if she wasn’t hot enough already.

He returned to her mouth and she kissed him more softly, using her hold in his hair to control the tempo.  Her lips ghosted over his, teasing, tempting.  He hungrily chased her, seeking more contact, more pressure.  She touched the tip of her tongue to his lips with each kiss, a subtle little lick between the closed seal of her mouth on his lower lip, then his upper lip, then back again.  He stroked his hands down from her hands, where they were in his hair and on his jaw, down her arms and then her ribs to her waist where he settled on her hips, squeezing gently and tugging her against him.

Through his loose sweatpants she could feel him pressing against her and she pushed forward, grinding her hips against him, feeling him harden further.  His hands slipped behind her and slid over her buttocks where he squeezed more firmly, lifting her to her tiptoes and pulling her against him completely.  Her breasts flattened against the tensed muscles of his chest and she gasped, opening her mouth enough for him to catch her in another deep kiss.

She sucked his tongue into her mouth and ravaged him with passionate kisses until, suddenly, she felt like there were too many clothes between them, too much of him she wanted to touch and taste.  She hopped up without breaking the kiss and he caught her under her thighs as she knew he would.  It sat her firmly over his crotch and she hooked her legs around his hips, moaning at the extra friction between her legs.

Don growled at the additional pressure and, gasping, he pulled back, resting his forehead against hers, grinning and breathing hard.  His eyes were lust-filled, pupils blown wide as he drank in the sight of her still wrapped around him.

“Damnit woman, you’ll be the death of me.”

The laugh the bubbled forth was unexpected and light.  She felt buoyant and alive, and complete.

With a quick kiss on her now reddened lips he put her down carefully, allowing her to slide down his body, which was a treat in and of itself.  She slid her hands down his chest, feeling the curve and shape of his pecks, down the perfectly defined ripples of his abs but stopping short of the waistline of his sweats, deviating to rest her hands on his hips.  His lower lip was caught between his teeth as he watched her explore him.  She was damned if it wasn’t the sexiest thing she’d ever seen and she wanted to strip him bare right there and kiss every inch of his gorgeous body.

“I take it that means ‘yes’ then?”  She said breathlessly, earning her a wide grin and a deep rumbling laugh.

“It’s a resounding ‘yes’.”  He said taking one of her hands and bringing it to his mouth where he laid a chaste kiss, coyly eyeing her with a mischievous glint in his eyes.  “Does this mean that I can see you other than the usual squatting on my property?”

“I’ll look into upgrading your security clearance to include areas outside of the park.”  Jess winked at him.

“That’s very kind, thank you.”  He bowed his head to her.  “My lady, I am forever in your debt.”

“Dork!”  She playfully slapped him on the shoulder, earning her a cheeky smile.  “Oh, what was it you wanted to tell me earlier?”

Don’s face darkened, worry shrouding the happiness that shone in his eyes only seconds before.

“What’s wrong?”  Her heart sunk.  He’d been so desperate to tell her something before she blabbed about her feelings and then all the kissing.  He’d been happy, but now he looked like he did that first night she saw him, a harrowed look on his face like he carried the weight of worlds.  “Tell me, please Don, you’re worrying me.”

He took her hand.

“I don’t know where to begin other than to say that since I met you I’ve found a kind of peace I never thought I would find, not before and certainly not after that terrible day.”  He looked down at her hand.

The ring was gone.  She’d put it away when she decided she was going to tell him the truth.  The way he looked at her then, with tears glinting in his eyes, ripped a hole in her chest.  She’d found something in this life after Will and she was terrified she was about to lose it.

“I’m not who you think I am.”

Panic flooded her chest, chilling her skin like a seeping, crawling, bitter thing that slowly spread across her body, prickling her scalp and the nape of her neck.

“What are you talking about?”  She could feel the disbelief contorting her expression.

“My name is not Don, and I am not just a regular person.”

She took a step back but her hand remained in his.

“I am Thor, God of Thunder, Avenger, and King…”

A sob ripped from her throat and she snatched her hand away.  Wide-eyed and horrified she staggered back into a tree.

He reached for her but she recoiled.

“Stay back!”

“Please believe me when I say that I did not lie to you intentionally, I did not wish to deceive you.  I was a broken and wretched thing, burdened with hatred for myself and my own failings.  I lied about my name and who I am because I craved anonymity, and solitude.  I wanted nothing more than to hide away and pretend Thor never existed.  I wanted to be just a man.  A man with a different past.  Until I met you.”

“You’re one of _them_?”  Tears slipped her lashes and splashed down her cheeks.  She should have known it was too good to be true.  “You’re an _alien_?”

“Yes, and no.”  He was mortified.  “I will explain it all to you if you would only give me the chance?”

She mouthed the word ‘no’ and watched as he broke apart.  He raked his hands over his face, taking deep breaths so as to control his emotions.  Thunder rumbled overhead.

“Jessica, please?”  He begged.  “I am still the man you know, just like you are still the woman I know.  We each have a past that we were reluctant to share, for one reason or another, but that past doesn’t make our future.  When I fell for you I vowed I would never hurt you.  I believed that you were betrothed and decided that if the only way I could be near you was in the encounters we had here then so be it.  I told myself I was strong enough to endure it.  The more I fell the harder to was to admit the truth, but because you could never be mine and things would never go further than the friendship we had found, it was futile to admit to you who I was.”

Jess allowed her tears to flood forth, what was the use in holding the pain back any more?   She had no energy left and her limbs felt leadened, she slumped back against the tree trunk causing Don/Thor to rush to her, offering his arms as stability.

Waving him away she sunk down to the ground.  People were walking out of the leisure centre using the same side door that he had used and they were looking at them both.

“I have wronged you, and I am truly sorry.”  He hung his head as the first drops of rain began to fall, patting down on the shadeless pavement behind him.  “If I could bring back the people we lost I would do it in a heartbeat.  If I could give you your Will back..”  His voice broke.  Collecting himself he added.  “To give my life for theirs would be an honour far greater than I deserve.”

“This is all too much to bear.”  Jess took a shuddering breath.  She could understand why he’d wanted to keep his past a secret.  She’d seen how people were talking about The Avengers since D-Day.  She could sympathise.  Knew that they’d lost people too.  People blamed them for bringing the war to Earth, despite the effect being universal, and a small part of her felt the same.  Why did they fail?  How could they, the fighting force of good on this planet, not triumph over something so inherently evil that god himself should have stepped in.  Didn’t good always win?

She knew very little about The Avengers as a whole and virtually nothing about them individually.

Lightning brightened the sky.  She saw it as a flickering of the light through the canopy of trees.  Thunder boomed a fraction after and rain fell in earnest, saturating the leaves above, causing rivulets to course down onto the grass around her.

“I understand.”  Thor rumbled with a voice like thunder itself.  His blue eye almost shone in the gloom.  “If you wish to never see me again, I will do as you ask, but it will break my heart to do so.”

“I don’t know what I want anymore.”  Jess couldn’t think straight.  She needed some space.  The rain was soothing but the air was oppressive, like somehow the tension between them had caused the storm.  Suddenly everything clicked into place.  The storms that barraged the Connecticut coast for weeks before they met, they’d all been because of him.  She remembered they stopped not long after they began speaking.  It couldn’t be coincidence that now, on the cusp of losing her, the storm had returned.

_It’s tied to his mood._   She thought.  _He really is the God of Thunder._

She wiped her tears away and regarded him.  He was looking at the ground with his shoulders hunched and his hands stuffed into the pockets of his sweats.  He looked defeated, exactly like he had that first night at marker twelve when he stood in the pouring rain, watching the storm roll in.

“Thor?”

His head snapped up, eyes refocusing on her.  The quick swipe of his tongue across his lips betrayed his nerves.  He looked pale and hollow now, not the vibrant pillar of strength she had seen earlier.

“Lady Jessica?”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.  Anything.”

“Will you tell me everything?”

He came forward and sunk to his knees in front of her, reaching to scoop up one of her hands and press it to his lowered forehead before resting his lips delicately on her soft skin.  The reverence in his eyes left her reeling.

“I promise.”  He murmured against her skin.  “Anything you ask, I would gladly give.”


	9. Avon Calling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor worries that he's messed things up with Jess, and receives a very unwelcome distraction in the form of one billionaire, playboy philanthropist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a short chapter but the next will be longer and with action! Oooooooo!

When Jessica had asked him for space he acquiesced, but the cold weight of dread that settled in the pit of his stomach troubled him greatly.  Sunday had been the best and the worst day he’d had since he met her.  The memory of their kiss invaded his mind far too regularly to allow him peace, reminding him of what he had now likely lost only moments after finally gaining it.

It was Sunday again; a whole week had passed and still no word from her.  He had given her his cell number and, although he hated the irksome communicator that Stark insisted he carry, he clung to it like a life line; it never left his hand or his pocket.  Even when he showered, he kept it near.

Thor resisted the urge to go to her work.  It would have been an invasion of her privacy and a bad advertisement for his obsession.  He kept the same Ocean Beach park routines, however, in the event that she came to find him but elected to visit Neptune’s café a little more often than usual.  Every day was a struggle against the restless feeling in his chest, and every day he missed her, the tranquil sea to his relentless storm.  He felt like he was twisting himself inside out.

 

He turned a small, silver gift box over and over in his hands.  It had been a gift for her birthday that he never got to give her (no, he hadn’t stalked her for that information).  It was a trinket from his childhood, an Asgardian shell on which he painted the legend of Ratatoskr; it had been a lesson to himself and Loki from their mother about the insidious nature of gossip and lies.  He had hoped it could be a way for him to begin to tell Jess who he really was.  But then she had kissed him and he realised he’d run out of time; he should have told her the truth in the beginning.

Thor smiled wistfully.  He wondered what his mother would have had to say about his current situation, if she’d lived.  What advice would she have for her only remaining son?

 

Thor’s communicator vibrated and played that strange dramatic music with the drums, and he nearly jumped out of his skin.  Snatching it up he read the caller I.D. ‘Private Number.  He thumbed the small green icon on the screen and held it gingerly to his ear.

“Hello?”  he rumbled, trying to sound calm.

“Point Break, we need you.  I’ll send the jet.”

“Ughh Stark.”  He growled, frustrated.  “I thought I told you, I’m not coming back.”

“And you still haven’t learned, I don’t take ‘no’ for an answer.”

“Call Danvers, I’m busy.”  Thor hung up.

 

It had only been a matter of time before either Stark or Captain Rogers pushed for his help.  He told them ‘no’ enough times already, even Romanoff; he wanted to be left alone.  Stark, however, was persistent.  If they sent in the jet then everyone in New London would know that The Avengers had visited and that Thor had been living among them for months.  Everything he had hoped for would be ruined.  He wouldn’t be able to stay here, even if Jess would speak to him again, he’d have to leave her.

Another incoming call.  _STARK._   He declined it.

“Curse you Tony Stark.”  He clenched his fists and raged internally, breaking something wasn’t the way to go.

He had to do something, find her, talk to her, make her see how he felt.  Beg her to forgive him, and allow him something, any form of contact where she would still be part of his life.  He’d expected very little before and had been content to shoulder the burden of his unrequited feelings in order to have her near him in any way he could.  Now he wrestled with the question: could he be close to her, knowing how they both felt, and still want nothing more than what they’d had?

The music on his phone played again.  Somehow the caller ID said _JESSICA WALKER_.

His heart leapt in his chest, sending a jolt of adrenaline through him like liquid heat.  Thor found himself smiling as he answered the call.

“Lady Jessica, I’m glad you called.” 

“Sorry sparkles, it’s me again…”

“STAARRRKKK!”  Thor roared, feeling electricity arc between his fingers.

“No-no, hear me out…”

“This is a low blow, even for you.”  The cadence of his voice dropped to its most guttural, bass and gruff.

“I know, I know, remotely hacking your phone was a dirty rotten trick.  Listen.  FRIDAY found some intel on a huge stockpile of alien technology here on Earth.  The Russian government have been collecting it and experimenting, and they’ve made a breakthrough.  They’ve made a bomb big enough to obliterate all life in an area larger than the continental USA.  They plan to use it to annihilate the whole of North America and rise as the world’s only superpower.”  Stark was breathing fast, grunting occasionally between words.

“Stark, what are you doing?”  Thor hoped the man’s multitasking hadn’t spread to the bedroom.  He had a vision of a scornful Ms. Potts tangled up in bedsheets while Stark was making his call.  He screwed his eyes shut.

“Oh nothing, just a little sightseeing.  Long Island’s really very nice this time of year.”

“Stark?”  He growled.  What was he up to?

“The point is, we need a big hitter.  Cap and Rhodie are peacekeeping in the middle-east, Danvers is A.W.O.L. and Banner is, well, Banner is missing.  We need The Strongest Avenger.”

Thor had once thought himself to be the strongest of them but had since come to measure strength by different means.  Physical strength was one thing but emotional strength was different, and resilience, well, that was something else entirely.

“You never called me that.”  Thor sighed.  He couldn’t go back, he wasn’t worthy.  What they needed was something he could no longer give.

There was a tapping on the glass.

“Avon calling.”  Stark said in his sweetest voice.

Thor pulled back the sheer privacy curtains to reveal the red and gold form of Iron Man standing outside on his balcony.

“Odin’s beard!”  Thor cursed, opening the large glass doors so Stark could step inside.

The armour opened as it walked, gradually receding until Stark stood in Thor’s den in what could only be described as yoga pants and a crop-top.  The man was still a shadow of his former self, thinner and more emaciated than he once was but still much improved from the day of his rescue.  The weeks trapped on The Milano with Nebula had not been kind.  Tony had almost starved to death, and just when their oxygen was about to run out, Danvers found them.  It took him months to bounce back emotionally, and even then he had lost a great deal of his former confidence.  Stark was plagued with insecurities, yet he continued to fight.  There was a strength in him born of stubbornness and Thor admired that.  Physically Stark wasn’t back to fighting fitness, not completely, but his armour made up for most of the deficit.

“I know what you want from me Stark, but I cannot give it.”  Thor frowned.  “I am not that man anymore.”

“We can make a deal.”

“Hmph!  You sound like Loki.”

Tony shook his head and paced.

“All I’m asking for is one assist.  One time.”

“Until the next time.”  Thor scoffed.

“You help us and you can go back to whatever life it is you’ve made for yourself here, walks on the beach, family dog, etcetera.  I’ll even help you along with your…”  He unfocused for a split second, reading something only he could see on the inside of his glasses.  “Miss Walker situation.”

“Don’t you dare interfere.  You hear me, Stark?”  Thor felt his chest tighten.  “She’s not familiar with the world that you and I know so very well.  She’s apart from it.  Insulated.  I want her to stay that way.”

“Whatever you say, you’re the boss.”  Tony crunched an m&m from a packet produced from god-knows-where.  “I just pay for everything and make us look cool.”

This was a very bad idea, and Thor knew it.  To agree to go with Stark would open the door to other things and soon they’d be relying on him to help save Midgard from other enemies, and if he failed again the cost would be even greater.

“One time only.”  He found himself saying.  “And you’ll leave me be?”

“Absolutely.”  Tony looked genuine, serious.  “You have my word.”  He extended his hand.

 “Show me your other hand.  Do not trick me with that silly finger-cross hoodwink.”

Tony laughed, raising his other hand and wiggling his fingers.

Thor took the extended hand firmly and they shook.

“Very well.  Lead the way.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ratatoskr (from Norse mythology) is a mischievous squirrel who runs up and down the trunk of Yggdrasil, the world tree, between the eagle the branches and the dragon in the roots. Ratatoskr tells both the eagle and the dragon what insults the other has said, causing animosity between them for his own entertainment.
> 
> A very worthy lesson for a pair of Asgardian children such as Thor and Loki.


	10. One for the Road

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor's final mission as an Avenger is potentially catastrophic, but the team manages to successfully acquire the alien tech and doomsday device. Although they fail to capture the man responsible, they're left with options.
> 
> Those options don't include Thor, however, his deal with Stark still standing. He'll miss what he had with them but he's positive about his future away from that life.
> 
> Jess contacts Thor at the most inopportune time but it signals that she's ready to accept him, past and all.

The Russian military research facility was in the south of the country, in the mountains surrounding Lake Baikal, near Angoya.  The area had been far more populated than Stark had hoped although a contingency was in place to see all civilians to safety in case the mission turned bad.  Why was it that the villains always used innocent people as a cover or a collateral damage deterrent to those who oppose them?

 

Thor rode in the back of the Quin Jet with Romanoff and Stark.  The Iron Man was still not fighting fit enough for long distance journeys inside the suit despite his improvements since his rescue.  Rocket had also joined them; since the loss of all of his Guardian companions, the poor rodent was at a loss.  He sat up front keeping the auto-pilot company.

“Where is Barton?”  Thor grumbled.  The risk that these bombs possessed surely warranted a bigger team than just the four of them.

“A.W.O.L.”  Romanoff was taking his absence hard.  “He fell off the grid when Laura and the kids died.  The last sighting of him was Japan, two weeks ago.  He was hunting the Yakuza.”

“And Wakanda?  Where are their warriors now?”

“They’ve got their own drama.  They’re kingless and deep in civil war.”  She said.

“Being kingless will do that to you.”  Stark chided, flicking a quick glance at Thor, as he tinkered with a complicated looking program

Thor scowled.  “Remind me again, Stark, why I agreed to help you?”

“Promised life-time of solitude and the chance to hang up the hammer, so to speak.”  Stark didn’t look up from his work.

 

Thor stood and skulked to the cockpit.  He thumped down in the co-pilot seat next to Rocket.

“Hello, Rabbit.” 

Rocket sighed, shaking his head.  “I think I preferred ‘trash panda’.  He crossed his arms and turned away.

“Very well!”  Thor grinned playfully.  “Trash panda it is then.”

“How’s that eye doing?

“Good.  Good, it’s very useful.  Thank you.”  Thor had a sudden feeling he’d missed a beat of the conversation.

“Still brown, I see.”  Rocket smirked, watching Thor’s grin fade.

Thor frowned.

“You know it wasn’t that colour before I left Contraxia with it smuggled up my… and there he goes.”  Rocket sniggered and slapped his thigh as Thor stood abruptly and stalked back to his seat next to Romanoff.

“How long before we arrive?  I am eager to get this over with as soon as possible.”  He felt himself becoming restless.  Jess still hadn’t made contact and he felt that the longer time passed the less likely he was to hear from her.  That thought churned his guts into an uneasy feeling of limbo; he could find no peace.

“We’re ten minutes out.”  Romanoff said.  “The army boys are still clearing civilians from the area.”

“So, they know we’re coming?”  Rocket said.  “That’s great.”

“Worried?”  She smirked.

“You bet.  Two-time saviour of the galaxy resorting to helping a bunch of humies with petty planetary squabbles… I’m gonna have to lower my price.”  He flicked off the auto-pilot, causing the jet to jolt.

“Avengers!  Suit up!”  Stark stood and called forth his armour.  It articulated around him, clinking and adjusting into place with mechanical whirs and hisses.  With only the face-plate left open he smirked.  “Let’s show them we still know how to boogie.”

The back of the jet opened up and the red and gold clad Stark dropped out.  The altitude was too high for mortals without breathing apparatus, but Thor could take far worse.

Clothed in his civilian garb he followed Stark out of the hatch.  Once he was far enough from the jet he called upon Stormbreaker.  Lightning crackled down through his hand and thunder peeled across the evening sky, leaving the comfortable weight of the hammer-axe in his grip and his armour in place of his clothes.  He felt the thrill of former strength return, cooling the nervous heat inside him; it was like a deep breath of cool air after the stifling heat of a sauna.  Pushing Stormbreaker down he allowed its weight to pull him towards their destination.  Stark flew on his right flank, weaving smoothly around air pockets shown his display.

“We take take out the ground-to-air missiles so the jet can land safely then we clean up.”  Stark said through his earpiece.  “Nat, Thor and Rocket will breach the bunker while I give air support.  Once we’re in, we need to shut them down fast.  We need to destroy it all.  FRIDAY, monitor communications in and out, I need to know if they try to send any data off-site.”

“On it, Boss.”  The disembodied voice echoed through the comms.

“Let’s get this done, people.  I wanna be home in time for breakfast.”  Stark said with a smirking tone.  “Ms. Potts has promised me pancakes.”

Everyone knew that ‘pancakes’ was their code for epic amounts of sex.  Tony was never shy about letting everyone know how active they were in the bedroom, but Pepper preferred at least a little privacy.  She would blush to know that ‘pancakes’ was common knowledge.

 

Explosions rattled the air around him, making him alter his course.  Nearing the ground he summoned a huge blast of lighting, directing it towards a cluster of artillery and cannons protected by a natural wall of bedrock on all sides; the ground team would have difficulty breaching that without airborne assistance.  The lightning ravaged the earth, scorching a trail of strike marks along its path.  Cracking rock and machine with equal impunity.  When the launchers went up they took their caches with them, adding more explosive power to the devastation.  Thor heard Tony whooping in his ear as he whizzed past at break-neck speed.

“Point Break’s got the gift!”  The iron Avenger said, shooting a cluster of small homing missiles at a machine gun-mounted car.

 

Russian soldiers were streaming out from their hiding positions, really giving Romanoff and Rocket a hard time.  Thor thumped down in between them, slamming Stormbreaker on the ground.  The resulting shockwave pitched the soldiers up in the air and brought them down hard on their backs.  Rocket dashed forward, dropping a little round gadget into one of the trenches.

“Fire in the hole.”  He said a second before a wave of flames coursed around the trench several meters in each direction, causing screams and guns to be reflexively fired as their owners perished in the instant inferno.

Thor was still a little close and shielded his face with the upward sweep of his half-cloak.  The resulting grumble that left his throat earned a nervous laugh from the rodent.

“Whadd’ya worried about?”  Rocket shouldered his weapon and shrugged.  “If a star didn’t kill you, a few tickly flames wont.  See, didn’t even singe your kingly eyebrows.”

“Don’t mind me, boys.”  Romanoff was grappling with three soldiers at once.  She jumped, locking her legs around one man’s neck and, swinging down, used the momentum to throw him against the other two.  The repeating shots of her dual-wielded handguns stuttered to life as she rolled from her movement into a crouch behind a pile of burning sandbags.  Machine gun fire turned over the ground to her side.  “If you’re done exchanging beauty tips, I could use a distraction.”

Thor threw Stormbreaker with a guttural grunt.  It curved around the battlefield like a boomerang, taking out two more machine gun turrets and a sandbag bunker before returning to his hand.  He stood breathing heavily, surveying the area.

Free to move, Romanoff slipped behind a group of soldiers taking cover in a deep ditch and zapped them with her batons.  “Shocking, I know.”  She smirked.

“What is that strange sound?”  Thor searched the area near by for the source of what sounded like music.

“Thor, you have an incoming phonecall.”  FRIDAY’s voice lilted in his ear.  “My records tell me it’s a Miss Jessica Walker.  Shall I ask her to call back?”

“Remind me to review your protocols when we get home.”  Stark said, irritated.  “Yes, FRIDAY, tell her…”

“No!”  Thor boomed.  “I need to take this.”

“Seriously?  Who is this broad anyway?”

“That, build-a-bear, is the future Mrs Break.”  Stark said sardonically.  “FRIDAY, put her through.”

Thor took a deep breath before the line opened.  “Hello?”  He ran with Natasha and Rocket to the security fence where he leapt over, landing smoothly, while Rocket opened the fence with a plasma knife.

“Thor?  It’s Jess.”

“Yes, hi!  I’m so glad you called.  Are you well?”

Gun fire erupted from a security tower on the roof of the large concrete building.  Thor flipped a jeep to provide better cover for them.

“Yeah, I’m good, and also not so good.  We need to talk.”

“I would love nothing more.”  Thor said, trying to sound at ease despite the scene around him.

He threw Stormbreaker out once more to destroy the security tower while Romanoff laid down a volley of covering fire.  The three of them split up, Thor taking the centre, Rocket the left flank and Romanoff the right.

A soldier rushed him, shooting at first then attacking with the butt of his rifle.  Thor pummelled the man, bouncing him so hard on the ground he nearly came back up.

“Can I meet you this evening?  Neptune’s, or the park?  Wherever you like?”  She sounded so timid and afraid, like she had bad news for him.  Meeting in person was a good sign though, right?

“I’m a little tied up at the moment.”  He strained out as he tore apart a large automatic weapon.  “The moment I am finished up here, I am all yours.”  He caught Stormbreaker with a smile and no small amount of style.

“Okay,” Jess said reservedly, “just gimme a call when you’re free.”

“Head’s up!”  Rocket called, shooting his launcher across Thor’s path into the facility.  There was a large explosion as the projectile met an incoming grenade.  Pieces of shrapnel and dust rained down in front of Thor.

“Thank you, Rabbit!”  Thor’s heart had jolted in his chest.  He was distracted and would have been hurt by the grenade.  Thankfully their furry-faced companion had many talents, not least of all his impeccable targeting.

“Rabbit?”  Jess sounded bemused and confused.

“Yes, he’s a colleague.”  Thor leapt into the air, brandishing Stormbreaker like a victory trophy.  Lightning struck and he brought it down, focusing it at the security doors to the facility, shorting out any cameras and lock down procedures..  The nearby guards took some of the electricity and collapsed.

“I’m sorry, you’re working?”  She said with an inflexion of panic.  “Is that gun shots?”

“Yes, and yes.”  He roared as he smashed through the metal defence shutters with the hammer-axe.  The inside of the entry was clear.  “I’m sorry I can’t say any more.  It’s probably top secret.”

There was silence and he thought the connection had dropped.  Rocket and Natasha breached through side windows.

“The roof and all is clear.”  Stark said over the comms.

“Oh Jesus!”  Jess gasped.  “Top secret, as in Russian military base raid, top secret?”

“Possibly _exactly_ that.”  Thor said slowly, frowning.  How could she know?  “That’s some guesswork.”

“It wasn’t a guess.  You’re on livestream news.”  She said, sounding a little awestruck.

Still standing in the broken entryway he looked out up into the grey sky.  His bionic eye caught movement; a hovering form that could not be a bird.

“Stark, there’s a drone.”

“On it.”

“You can see me, Jessica?”  He asked her.

“Yeah!  Yeah, I can.”  She giggled and he couldn’t help but grin.

“I’ll see you when I get home.”  He blew her a kiss moments before one of Stark’s homing missiles took out the drone.

“ _Ohmygod!_ ”  He could hear the blush in her voice, the bashful way she gasped, and it sounded divine.  “Okay, yeah, I’ll see you…”  She ended the call.

“Good, I’m so happy for you.”  Sarcasm flooded Rocket’s voice.  “You humies are all the same – distracted by a little skirt.”  He chided.

“I’m a God.”  Thor grumbled, converging with the team near the entry into the sub-levels.

 “Jeez, you sound just like Drax.”  Rocket sighed.  “I miss that literal idiot.”  He sniffed before swinging his launcher up onto his shoulder.  “Now can we get this done already.  Tony promised us pancakes.”

 

The sub levels were packed with tech and alien artefacts, it would take them a while to extract it for decommission.  All the staff and scientists had surrendered but the man they were after, General Zherdev, evacuated into a panic room, where he was holed up trying to securely transfer the research data.

“Sir, I have located the transfer terminus and we have coordinates for Zherdev’s contact.  It’s in China, Sir.”  FRIDAY was still patched into all comms.

“Good, keep this place on lockdown.  Nothing in or out.”  Tony examined the casing of the device they’d come to retrieve.

 

It was smaller than Thor had expected but bigger than was portably possibly.  They had been lucky that the catastrophic outcome of detonating the device was its own deterrent.  No one in their right mind would destroy their own country and the whole continent just to elude capture, or defeat.  Actually, wait, that scenario was all too familiar.

He sighed deeply.  His feelings of loss and failure simmered just below the surface.

The destruction of Asgard had been the most difficult thing he’d ever had to do, but it was necessary.  Hela wouldn’t have stopped with their home world, she would have conquered the nine realms and beyond.  The ends justified the means.  He had accepted that and still believed it to be true, no matter how much it weighed on his heart.

 

Thor could feel himself growing restless again.  Now that the job was done, he wanted nothing more to return home.  He had Jess waiting for him and he very much wanted to speak with her.  He swung Stormbreaker absently, gaining worried looks from the recovery team nearby.

“Easy sparkles, you’re making these fine men and women nervous.”  Stark always had a way of making him feel worse.

“I grow tired of this waiting.”  Thor couldn’t help his petulant grouchiness.  “I can just break down the door and we can all go home.”  He paced some more.

“It’s not that simple.  He could have anything in there with him, and until this giant doomsday device is safely out of the way, it’s safer to let General Zherdev think he’s got us stumped.”

Thor knew they were right but it didn’t make it any easier.  It had been days since he’d seen Jess.  The memory of their kiss still haunted him, turning his heart into trinket box filled with the rapid wingbeats of a delicate bird, and the pit of his stomach into a tingling mess.  It was nothing like what he’d felt for Jane.  Yes, the protective instinct was the same, and the warm fuzzy feeling was present also.  But although the sensation of need was there with Jane, it didn’t feel like the heart-aching pull he felt now for Jessica.  He was complete with her, two complimenting pieces of a puzzle, one balancing the other.  And he wanted her.  Oh, Frigga’s mercy, how he wanted her.  The way her soft lips felt on his, her sweeping lashes resting on her cheeks as she closed her eyes to the pleasure of his kiss, moaning delicately when his tongue met hers.  The rich and alluring scent of her skin underneath her fresh, subtly floral and yet musky perfume.  The thrill he felt when sliding his hands down her arms and ribs, the heel of his hands had glanced across the sides of her breasts, plump and inviting through the sheer fabric of her blouse and the lacy bra beneath. The glorious curves his hands traced from her waist and over her hips and around to squeeze her behind when he pulled her against him.

He began to stir.

_Fates spare me._   He thought.  _Not here._

Thor closed his eyes and swallowed hard, cheeks flushing pink.  He licked nervously at his dry lips, returning his focus to the room.  Thankfully everyone had been distracted by their respective tasks.  Thor’s task was to be patient, and that was in short supply.  He breathed deeply to calm himself.  He tried to put Jessica out of his mind for the time being, which was no easy feat.

 

It took several hours to dismantle the Doomsday Device, and a few more to clear everything out.  By the time it came to cracking the shell on that panic room even Romanoff was getting impatient.  And Thor… well Thor was ready to decimate a load-bearing wall and bring the whole building down around them.

“So much for pancakes.”  Stark sighed as he shut off his laser cutter.  It had barely scratched the door to the room.

“How do you guys even manage to dress yourselves every morning?”  Rocket hopped down from the crate he was sitting on.  “If you want to get in that room I’m gonna need a few things.”

“Not this again.”  Stark’s eye-roll inside the suit was palpable.

Thor strode forward, swinging Stormbreaker overhead and hewing the metal three, four, five times before there was a gaping rend in the door.  He continued to slam the axe into the door, grunting and growling until the mechanism was fully exposed.  Letting lightning  flow through the axe, he overloaded the power and the mechanism released.  Stepping back he gestured with his hand as if to say ‘after you’.

“You’ve got anger issues.”  Rocket said, stepping up to peer inside.  “Well that guy aint gonna tell us anything.  He’s dead.”

 

General Zherdev was slumped at the back of the room with foam dripping from his mouth and blood from his eyes.  He was surrounded by smashed up tech and to the side was a small burned pile of papers and memory sticks.  Even the computer console had been wrecked.

“Well that was easy.”  Romanoff almost looked disappointed.  “Standard cyanide pills by the looks of it.  We’ll never know what he knew which leaves us chasing the contact in China.”

“So we’re done here, right?”

“Yeah.”  Stark was uncharacteristically brief but wasted no time issuing orders to FRIDAY as the quartet left the facility.

It was already late morning local time, making it early evening on the East Coast.  It would take the recovery team a few more hours to cleanse the whole place of all alien tech but over-all the mission had been a success.

Thor felt relieved to be homeward bound.  It was funny how, in the few months he’d been in New London, he’d come to think of it as home.  He had to admit that being part of the team again had felt good but it felt better to know that he would no longer be doing this.  Emotionally he wasn’t in the right place, but he would always have his power and would always be Asgardian, and godlike compared to the peoples of Midgard.  A small part of him felt that he was being selfish but a deal was a deal, and this had been his final mission as an Avenger.   After all he’d lost, all he’d done, tried and failed, all the successes too, this was his out, and he would take it in both hands.

Looking out the window of the Quinjet as they fled the morning sun, Thor thought of Jessica. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to bring a good dose of action to the story, hopefully it worked. And I surprisingly enjoyed writing Rocket, despite being a little intimidated by the style and sheer abundance of his sarcasm.
> 
> I appreciate you guys continuing to read on despite the rocky start. It's been brought to my attention that I should've started with more Thor, but that's just not how my brain forms the stories. Maybe I'll change the tags or something. Peace :)


	11. A Woman's Want

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jess does some digging into The Avengers, and it prompts her to call Thor. He's on mission in Russia (overlap from previous chapter) but promises to contact her upon his return.  
> A few exchanged texts push Jess further towards sexual need and she can't hold it in any longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter just to move the story along. Slight overlap from previous chapter from Jess' point of view. Light smut at the end, nothing major.

Jess struggled with her resolve for several days.  She had two men who she needed to talk to one of which had the means to contact her but didn’t, while the other wanted to but couldn’t.  She had a lot to think about and a lot to reconcile.

Don/Thor was quite a sticking point.  She had feelings for him but he wasn’t the man she thought he was, if he was even a man at all.  He’d lied to her but, while she had done the same, the scale of the lies were different.  She wanted to know him but there was just so much about him that was other than what he’d told her.  How much of what she knew was the real him?

 She started off with a Google search for The Avengers.  It showed her all of the members, including Thor.  She clicked on his image and lo-and-behold there were more images of Thor, God of Thunder in all his armoured glory.  They were the same man, in various stages throughout his career with The Avengers.  In one picture he was young and cocky, both of his eyes were piercing blue and he had long blonde hair tied back at the top.  In another which looked more recent he looked wizened and had short hair and an eye patch.  Eye patch?  Reading the story associated with the picture it told of how Thor had returned from a war on his home world of Asgard where his world had been destroyed and he’d been blinded in one eye.

Her chest ached to see and read about his past.  He’d lost so much more than she could possibly imagine, her heart bled for him.  She understood why he’d wanted to escape all of that and try to make himself into a new man.

She decided to call him.

He had seemed distracted when she called him but he was happy to hear from her.  In truth, she had missed him, a lot.  Part of her didn’t know why she’d left it so long before calling, but then again she had needed to see if her feelings would fade if she didn’t see him almost every day.  They hadn’t.

Scrolling through the newsfeeds while they talked, she saw a streaming news report on The Avengers fighting in Russia.  It was live now so she clicked on it and sure enough, there was air to ground coverage of a battle being fought at a military facility north of Lake Baikal.  The newscaster was speaking in Russian but translated subtitles showed the discussion about the conflict.

Jess watched as a woman in black and a clothed raccoon helped Thor take down military defences around a research facility.  If this was live then he was really there, risking his life to save the lives of others.

 

During their conversation, Thor had blown her a kiss to the camera right before the video had went down, and it sent a tingle through her tummy.  She had replayed their kisses over and over in her head, remembering the play of his lips on hers, the way he’d effortlessly held her against him, how he’d become aroused, how she’d ached for him.

_Phew!_   Jess thought she might combust if she kept on thinking about him like that, or perhaps take herself off to her bedroom release some of her tension.

Her eye caught a photo on the fireplace and a pang of guilt pierced her heart.  The image of her and Will, laughing and cuddling on a sunset beach almost brought her to tears.  She shouldn’t feel guilty for surviving and growing to find happiness again, even if it was with someone else.  She deserved to be happy, and Don/Thor made her happy.

Jess swiped at her eyes and closed the laptop.  It was getting late and she had to be up for work in the morning.  She had asked Thor to call her but she had no idea when that would be, even he had been unsure.

_The man’s in Russia for fuck sake, he’ll call when he’s able._ She griped at her own frustration.

 

As it was she couldn’t sleep.  Jess tossed and turned, restless and anxious. She worried about Thor.  Worried that he might have gotten hurt.  Worried that he might have decided not to call.  Maybe he’d decided it was too late to call and would wait until the morning.

At 3.45am her phone chimed out its message tone and she practically jumped off the bed to snatch it from the nightstand.

[Thor] Apologies for the late hour.  I’m home but did not wish to wake you.  Feel free to call when you rise.  Any time of the day or night.  I am at your disposal.

He had such an eloquent way with words.  Perhaps that was part of the appeal.  There was something very charming about his gentlemanly air and chivalry that made her feel like one of those dainty ladies in a period drama that all the gentlemen want to court.

[Jess] I’m up.  Can’t sleep for some reason.  Glad you’re home safe, I was worried. X

[Thor] Sweet Jessica, I am both flattered and stricken.  To have caused you a sleepless night is unforgiveable.  Please allow me to make it up to you? X

[Jess] Sounds promising 😉 What did you have in mind? X

[Thor] Lunch?  My treat? X

She couldn’t deny that she was a little disappointed.  Feeling brave she crafted her reply.

[Jess] You’re going to make me wait until tomorrow?  That’s grossly unfair.  Especially now that you’ve given me a tantalising glimpse of the God of Thunder in all his armoured glory.  Hot BTW <3

Her heart was beating heavily in her chest as she awaited his reply.  Time seemed to trickle by like molasses, viscous and achingly slow.  Flirting so shamelessly was embarrassing, and it had been so long she’d almost forgotten how to do it.

[Thor] I can be there in two minutes, if you wish it?  In full regalia.  Had I known all it would take to make you mine was the armour and the cape, I’d have shown myself sooner. <3

Jess chuckled.  She could see his coy smile and twinkling eyes as she imagined him on the other end of their messages.

[Jess] A very tempting offer.  If you do I’ll never make it to work in the morning.  Are you sure you’re just the God of Thunder?  Not the God of Sex Appeal? X

Now that she’d opened the floodgates to her feelings for him, she couldn’t get her mind out of the gutter.  She wanted him there in her bed, making love to her until she forgot her own name.  She felt like a lust-filled teenager again, all angst and hormones, and scant self-control.

_Well that escalated quickly._

[Thor] That might be one of my lesser titles, perhaps.  As such a god, I would surely feel less contrite for scandalising a virtuous lady such as yourself.  I would love nothing more than to visit you tonight but I want to do this right.  I must insist you get some rest, and I vow to be waiting for you at lunch time today. X

[Jess] You’re right.  I don’t think I could keep my hands to myself right now anyway.  My lunch break is 1pm X

She felt jittery.  Thor was right, she’d pushed harder than she’d initially intended.  The excitement of this new thing between them and the sudden rush of withheld feelings had shoved her off the rails of her normal behaviours and squarely into a smut gutter of untempered lust.  She wasn’t sure she’d ever seen this side of herself.  Maybe the pain of loss had sensitized her to all the feelings she had denied herself for so long; happiness, excitement, romantic love.  She needed to get herself under control again and go about this the right way.  They both had some kind of emotional baggage and she needed to be sure that she was not just doing this as a way to eradicate the pain of losing Will.  She needed to be sure she wasn’t just throwing herself at Thor in a desperate attempt to make herself whole and to feel desired.

[Thor] You’re not making this easy for me to stay away.  Good night, lovely Jessica.  Sweet dreams X

 

Jess flopped back against her pillows.  Thor was so enigmatic.  He’d practically admitted that he wanted her but when she had not-so-subtly hinted the same he’d remained firm in his desire to do the right thing.  She was grateful in a way.  Having him come over would have been a bad idea despite how good it had seemed at the time.  They had started their relationship with firm boundaries, set by her, as a way of keeping them both in check, it was only fitting that he set new boundaries now.  Jess had held back in guilt, tarnishing Will’s memory had been the last things she had wanted.  But now, having accepted that there was a life for her after Will, and the feelings that had grown for another man, she finally knew what she wanted.  _Thor._

 

Snaking one hand down into the front of her knickers, she stroked her fingers between her lips, feeling for that familiar spot, the perfect balance of intensity and comfort.  Her other hand glided over her breast, circling her nipple through her vest-top until she had teased it to a tense peak.  She imagined Thor’s large hand gently pinching her through the material, sending tingles of pleasure through her body.  She stretched her legs out, tensing her muscles and clenching hard against the building pleasure between her legs.  Grinding her hips to create internal friction, she built her orgasm on the imagery of him, sweaty and gloriously naked, held in rapture at every sigh that broke from her lips.

It was disconcerting how quickly she came, moaning out Thor’s name as the intensity of all sensation peaked, and she was spasming and pulsing with pleasure.  A warm wave of peaceful perfection coursed through her, all the way up and settled as a flush in her face and neck.  Her body relaxed to the point that she felt as if she was sinking into the mattress.  Jess just about managed to pull her hand from her underwear before she slipped down into darkness and slept.


	12. Remembering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor and Jess have their first date, if grabbing food on a lunch break can be classed as a date. Thor opens up about his childhood, sharing fond memories from his past. But remembering isn't always joyful and their date takes a downward turn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been so long between updates, I kind of put this story on the back burner in favour of the hundreds of other stories that have warmed my heart over the last couple of months. This story also needs to be told and I'm going to keep at it until it's done. I promised myself that I wouldn't leave one single story unfinished since I've been notoriously bad for that in the past with NaNoWriMo stories I've started and left to gather dust.
> 
> To those of you still reading, I wholeheartedly appreciate your dedication to Thor and Jess. You're all fab and I am going to make sure this goes all the way to the bitter end in honour of you all :)

Thor Spent the morning at the gym.  The few hours sleep he’d gotten were more than enough and he felt revitalised as he showered and got himself ready for his lunch date.

The sun was shining and it was warm with barely a cloud in the sky.  The cornflower blue expanse stretched unhindered towards the horizon and Thor thought that today was maybe the most beautiful day he’d ever seen here on Midgard.  The fact that Jess had called him yesterday had nothing to do with it, nor did her flirtatious messages last night.

_Of course not.  Shame on you for thinking such a thing._

 

Thor waited outside the building in which Jess worked.  He was slightly nervous but excited.  The loose white linen shirt tucked into the pigeon grey slacks he’d chosen to wear were perfect for the weather, light and airy and comfortable.

‘ _Ass_ -ets on display’, Romanoff had said to him once when he’d worn a similar pair.  He could admit that this might have factored into his decision making process this morning stood in front of his mirrored wardrobe.

 

At a few minutes past 1 o’clock, Jess emerged onto the street in her usual navy pencil skirt and white blouse.  She was smiling big until she saw Thor leaning against the very same pillar he’d hid behind when he almost got caught being a stalker.  She looked him up and down, taking him in, seemingly astounded.

“Good afternoon!”  He righted himself, quickly stepping forward to take her hand and place a chaste kiss on the back of her fingers.  “You look radiant.”  He beamed, hoping it wasn’t too much.

Jess blinked herself out of whatever daze she was in and smiled back.

“Hey, so do you.”  She stepped back to admire him.  “I mean, you look _great_!”  She blurted out.

“It’s not just gym wear and work uniforms with me you know.”  Thor winked subtly.  “I scrub up ok on occasion.”

“On occasion.”  She scoffed, laughing as they started off down the street.  “Okay, so, where to?”

“I thought maybe the outdoor seafood place down on the beach?”  Thor glanced at her to find her looking back at him with some strange emotion hidden in her eyes.  “If you’re ok with seafood, that is?  We can go somewhere else, if you want?”

“No, no, that’s fine.  I like seafood.”  She smiled and hooked her hand through the crook of his elbow.

The warmth of her skin through the thin fabric of his shirt made him very aware of her.  Every twitch of her fingers was felt on his arm and against his ribs where he’d pulled his elbow in tightly.

 

 

“So, Russia, then?”  She asked, picking at the breadbasket while they waited on their meals.

“I’m sorry I got back so late.”  Thor said, reaching his hand out across the table, just far enough to solicit a touch if she wanted but not far enough to seem needy.  “I wish I could tell you about it but Stark would have my head on a pike.”

She rested her hand on top of his fingers and he took in in both of his, cradling it gently.

“I’m just glad you’re alright, though I suspect you’re pretty indestructible.”  Jess seemed far shyer than she had come across via text the night before.  It was endearing and adorable.

There was nothing he could say that would address his indestructability.  How could he explain that the destruction of his home world had nearly brought him to his knees, yet he could survive an energy blast from a neutron star?

“I’m sorry I worried you.”  He said but he was glad she cared.  “And sorry for keeping you up late.”

His coy smile and her subtle blush had them both eyeing each other furtively.  Finally she giggled, biting her lip as she leaned closer.

“And if I wanted to be kept up late?”  She flirted, stilling his breath with her half-lidded gaze.

“Then perhaps I would confess that I am not as repentant as I seem.”  Thor shot her a cheeky smile but they were interrupted by the waiter before Jess could make the reply that matched the twinkle in her eye. 

 

With their meals on the table, the two of them ate and talked, laughed and flirted.  Thor felt the warmth of his affection for Jess bloom and grow until it was smouldering in his eyes.  The way she smiled at him, her contagious laugh, the slow blink and soft gaze from under her lashes, and the frequent blush of her cheeks all had Thor burning.  He didn’t know if she knew what she was doing but she was fanning the flames of his infatuation for her to the point of spontaneous combustion.

“And that’s how our mother caught us stealing confections from the kitchens.”  Thor laughed heartily.  “I mean, his magic improved over time, but Loki could never fool Frigga.”

“But he fooled you?”

“Oh, many a time.”  Thor’s eyes prickled with tears.  “There was one time, when we were children, Loki transformed himself into a young Nidhogg.”

Jess shot him a questioning look.

“It’s a reptilian creature native to Vanaheim.  They look much like pangolins here on Midgard, and are cute when they’re young but grow to be the size of large bears.  Adults also breathe fire.”  Thor elaborated with a mischievous glint in his eye; he remembered this, and his childish excitement, like it was only yesterday

“I wonder if that’s where the mythology of dragons started?”  She mused.  “If someone here on Earth saw one of these knee-dogs.”

Thor chuckled.  “It’s possible.”  His smile was one of pride.  “I love how you Midgardians connect the pieces to discover our worlds are not so disparate.”

Jess was smart but not exactly like Jane and Eric.  Theirs was pioneering science level intelligence, and Tony too.  His other friends in The Avengers were also smart.  It felt like there was nothing they couldn’t solve, save for the disintegration of half of all life in the universe, but he wasn’t thinking about that right now.

“It looks like your evaluation of humans, as a species, has been biased by the company you keep.  Scientists and superheroes aren’t your average run of the mil homosapien.”  Jess chuckled, touching his hand lightly before scooping up her lemonade.  “So, come on!  What happened with Loki?  You can’t just go off on a tangent and not finish the story.”

By the time he’d told of how he, as a child, had taken the Nidhogg home in the hopes that Odin would allow him to keep it as a pet.  How the thing had mysteriously grown into an adult as soon as it was safely hidden in his rooms.  How it had attacked him and how he fought it, destroying his rooms in the process.  Both he and Jess were laughing with tears in their eyes.

“Just as I fought the beast into submission, it transformed into my brother, scaring the life out of me!  When father found out, he was furious.  He punished us both, but Loki was always the sly one, he tried to blame me for everything, so naturally I blamed him too.  This lead to weeks of lessons from our mother about the finer points in humility and decent behaviour.”

Thor’s eyes glazed over with unbidden tears, but they didn’t fall.  They were not tears of sadness but tears of joy.  To remember Loki fondly was a pleasure, especially because he was sharing this part of himself with Jess.  She made everything feel right.  Made him feel whole.

“It’s funny how we’ve been talking for months but we know virtually nothing about one another.”  She said, sweetly.  “I’d really like to, share more with you, I mean.  If it’s something you’d be willing to do?”

“Sweet Jessica.”  Thor scooped up her hand and laid a chaste kiss on the back of her fingers, earning him another stunning blush.  “I would love nothing more.”

“Great!”  She beamed a brilliant smile that had his stomach tingling with anticipation.  “Maybe I can see you tomorrow?  Something a little longer than my lunch break?”

“What about tonight?”  Thor said hopefully, the need in him to see her again was far stronger than a fanciful urge.  “Monday isn’t part of our routine, I know, but given that things have changed…”  He trailed away as her smile faltered.  “I actually have a gift for you, for your birthday, late though it is.  Perhaps you’d allow me to make you dinner, at my place?”  He added, hope tainting the edge of his voice.

She looked down at her lap as the waiter came with the bill.  Lacking an answer, Thor felt like he’d made a grave error in judgement.  How could things have gone so horribly wrong with one suggestion of seeing him again that very night?  Was he moving too quickly after all?  Had his suggestion of dinner at his place been too forward?

 

The walk back to Jess’s work was in semi-awkward silence despite her arm being lace with his; it was the only thing that comforted him, telling him he hadn’t offended her too badly.  Outside the building that housed the dental practice, Thor drew her aside, the great stone columns shielding them from prying eyes in the reception area.

“Jessica, I-”  He began but she started talking too.

“I’m sorry, Thor.”  She shook her head, looking down at her feet.  “I feel like I ruined lunch and things were going so well, I thought.”

“They were.”  He blurted.  “They are.”

She couldn’t look at him, eyes downcast and her breathing awkwardly controlled.

“What’s the matter?  Was it something I said?”

“No-no, well, yes but it’s not your fault.”  She finally looked up at him with tears in her eyes.  “You said Monday routine and I suddenly remembered David.”

“I see.”  Thor felt relief but also annoyance.  That man, who he once thought was her lover but he now knew was only her friend, always seemed to get between them.  He knew she had suffered loss, and that David was her only anchor to the person she loved and lost, but he couldn’t help feel even a slight annoyance.  “You miss him.”

“Yes, and no.”  She laughed bitterly.  A short bark of dry amusement that didn’t illuminate her face.  “I worry about him and I feel bad that it was so easy to forget him.”

His gaze softened as he reached down to lift her chin.  The tears that clung to her lower lashes would not fall, not on his watch.  He swept them away with the gentle brush of his thumbs.

“You make me forget.”  She sighed out as she stared up at him, eyes large and vulnerable, lips slightly swollen from her nervous gnawing but begging to be kissed.

Thor knew she was asking him to make her forget again.  He wanted nothing more than to delve into the sweetness of her mouth, drink her in and steal the breath from her lungs.  He didn’t even care that they were stood out on the street or that she was already late back from lunch.  She needed him, and he wanted to give her what she asked.  But he also knew she was hurting, and forgetting wasn’t the healthy way to deal with that hurt.  He lowered his lips to her forehead where he laid a gentle and lingering kiss, feeling her frown and then relax under his touch.

“Call him.”  He murmured against her skin.  “You’ll feel better airing your feelings.  I’ll be here whenever and for whatever you need.”

Her weak smile and mumbled ‘thank you’ as she pulled away was devastating.  She left him without so much as a backward glance, demeanour downtrodden like she bore the weight of the world once more.  He hated that she suffered, and that he had pushed her there when she had seemed so light and carefree earlier.

Thor forced himself towards restraint when all he wanted to do was scoop her up and fly her to his bed and make her forget every painful thing she’d ever endured.  Their months of friendship had been taken slowly, boundaries set and respected, status quo preserved, all based on an assumption that no longer applied.  He shut down the desire to give in to his previously dormant hot-headed nature.  Jess needed stability from him now, not the flash fire of lust he felt inside.  Well, maybe she did need both.  Sometime soon, he’d show her the flames of his desire for her.  Sometime soon, they’d both be complete.


End file.
